There's No Cure for This Ringworm

Call the FCC! Gene's at it again

(Eric Shansby)

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By Gene Weingarten

Sunday, June 11, 2006

A few months ago, I promised to stop telephoning customer service reps and harassing them with idiot questions. I said it was a solid promise, and it was.

Today, I am asking only about liquids.

Schweppes Ginger Ale

Me: I have a great idea for your product. It could double or triple your sales overnight.

Joanne: And what would that be?

Me: Market half of your product as Ginger Ale, but market the other half as . . . Mary Ann Ale.

Joanne:

Me: You see what I mean? Guys would be voting whenever they purchased their beverage of choice! Coke drinkers would be buying your product like there is no tomorrow, just to register their preference in women. The single most primitive and overpowering human instinct -- mating -- can be put to use as a potent marketing tool.

Joanne: Actually, that's a clever idea.

Me: I don't even like ginger ale, but I'm buying Mary Ann Ale in a heartbeat.

Joanne: I will forward this to marketing.

Me: You'd better be telling the truth. 'Cause if you're not, my next call is to Canada Dry.

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