Baltimore Remains a Beehive of Kitsch Glam

A two-story flamingo marks Cafe Hon (1002 W. 36th St., 410-243-1230, http://www.cafehon.com/ ), the most self-conscious Hon-clave. It features "Much better than Mom's" meatloaf ($6.95), Hazel's creamed chipped beef over toast with "Hon" potatoes ($6.95) and mimosas. Decor is less kitschy than you might expect: gingham curtains, a tin ceiling, a soda counter and mismatched furniture, including some Formica and chrome. The Elvis-mannequin greeter is a nice touch. If you want to buy your own boas, glasses or a pink flamingo, the shelves near the entrance are one place to find them.

Hometown Girl is another ( 1001 W. 36th St., 410-662-4438, http://celebratebaltimore.com/ ). This shop sells all sorts of Balmer and Maryland items: cards, games, crafts, foods, cookbooks, CDs from the band of Mayor Martin O'Malley. The "Hairspray" soundtrack blares.

Within two blocks are Siger's shops: Ma Petite Shoe ( 832 W. 36th St., 410-235-3442, http://www.mapetiteshoe.com/ ), selling fancy chocolates and high-end shoes, and Oh! Said Rose ( 840 W. 36th St., 410-235-5170, http://www.ohsaidrose.com/ ), with trendy West Coast women's clothes and accessories. In contrast, several antiques malls offer everything from toasters to fish (and bait) to ceramic crabs. No Starbucks in sight. And the Hons are everywhere: younger ones in disguise, older ones on display.

But nothing is Honier than HonFest. At last year's event, the Avenue was overrun with boas, gold lame and blue eye shadow. Two preteens rolled duckpin balls toward a tower of Spam cans to win flamingo headbands; both had competed in the morning's Best Honette contest. Vendors hawked $1 crab balls and $5 Bacardi Beehives (rum-and-Cokes). Onstage were a fashion show, the Hampden Charm School Cheerleaders and a '50s-style band singing "Hairspray" songs. That was before the gaudy Best Hon and "Balmerese" contests ("Yer beauty-ful!").

"It's not about the hair, necessarily -- it's about the attitude," shouted Denise Whiting, HonFest founder and owner of Cafe Hon and Hon Bar, over the din of thousands of revelers.

I got my hair and makeup done at the festival's Glamour Lounge -- Aqua Net, bobby pins and all. I looked silly but felt great. And in my new black-frame glasses, I carried on a bit of family tradition.

Here, anyone can be a Hon.

HonFest: Saturday, 11 a.m. to 8 p.m on 36th Street in Hampden, 410-243-6800 , http://www.honfest.net. Free, but the Glamour Lounge Hon makeover is $5. From the Beltway, take I-95 north (Exit 27), then Exit 53 to I-395 north. Exit at West Conway Street, then go left onto Light Street, right onto East Pratt and left onto South President, which becomes the Jones Falls Expressway/I-83 north. Take Exit 8A to Falls Road north and turn right on West 36th Street.

Info: Baltimore Area Convention and Visitors Association , 877-225-8466, http://www.baltimore.org/ . Hampden Village Merchants Association , http://www.hampdenmerchants.com/ .