Where Is Your Zarqawi Statement?

You've got to get up early to beat John Cornyn.

The senator, a Texas Republican, issued his statement about the killing of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi at 6:20 a.m., a full hour and 11 minutes before President Bush made his own statement in the Rose Garden.

"Al Zarqawi has made his last video," Cornyn announced, through an e-mail sent by his early-rising spokesman, Don Stewart.

"I don't sleep," Stewart explained.

Cornyn was the runaway winner in the footrace to issue statements about the demise of the terrorist leader. Notably lagging in the standings: Democrats. The first Democrat's statement to land in the Sketchwriter's inbox came at 9:25 a.m., from Steny Hoyer (Md.), the No. 2 House Democrat -- and it was a bit cranky.

"While the death of al-Zarqawi is certainly a positive development, it must be tempered by the sober recognition that this will not end the insurgency," Sober Steny said.

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-Tenn.), a presidential aspirant, joined Cornyn in beating Bush to the transom, but with less bravado. Hailing the military for "eliminating the thuggish terrorist" and the Iraqi government for the appointment of three more ministers, Frist said he is "more optimistic then ever that a free and stable Iraq can be achieved."

Rep. Roy Blunt (R-Mo.), the House majority whip, lost out to Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio) in the race for majority leader. But Blunt edged out Boehner in the statement foot race. Blunt, whose statement pointed out that he "led a Congressional delegation to Iraq last week," came in at 8:33, 29 minutes ahead of rival Boehner. Chief Deputy Majority Whip Eric Cantor (R-Va.) knew his place: He waited three minutes after Boehner to send his statement.

Speaker Denny Hastert (R-Ill.) chose the wrong day to sleep in; possibly he was jet-lagged. "I recently returned from Iraq," he said when his statement finally came at 10:04.

Sen. Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.), neck-and-neck with Cantor at 9:36, was the first to speak in the first person plural. "We are hopeful that the insurgency will be less effective," the royal Kyl said. By that time, Sen. George Voinovich (R-Ohio) had already piled on, with an 8:37 statement calling the dead terrorist "a murderer and a coward."

Sen. George Allen (R-Va.) had a problem. Like Frist, he would like to run for president, but Frist had beaten Allen by three hours with a statement calling Zarqawi "thuggish." So Allen ramped it up. "Al-Zarqawi was more than the thuggish voice we heard on video tapes," he said at 10:21. "He was the vile mastermind, operational leader and murderous participant in a vast number of terrorist activities that beheaded, bombed, maimed and killed not only Americans but other peace-loving people in Iraq and elsewhere."

Take that, Frist.

The normally quick-on-his-feet Harry Reid (D-Nev.), the Senate minority leader, couldn't gather his thoughts until 10:19, and his relatively brief statement had the energy of a concession speech. "There is considerable and difficult work ahead to stabilize Iraq," he said. "But with the death of Zarqawi and the naming of key Iraqi security ministers, today is a day to recognize these important achievements."

Former presidential candidate John Kerry (D-Mass.), who has become one of the most strident critics of the war effort, found the latest news a vindication of his position, at 10:49 a.m. "Our troops have done their job in Iraq, and they've done it valiantly," he said. "It's time to work with the new Iraqi government to bring our combat troops home by the end of this year."

It was getting late, and statements would have to be more provocative if they were to break through the din.

Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) did his best, at 10:38, addressing himself to the terrorists. "If you continue to fight us, you will die," he threatened.

By 11:15, Rep. Jack Kingston (R-Ga.) had to escalate the rhetoric considerably to get noticed -- and he did. "One of the most brutal, heinous, and horrendous terrorists was killed last night when the U.S. Armed Forces delivered 500-pounds of justice to Iraq's 'Prince of Al-Qaeda' on behalf of Nicholas Berg, Jack Armstrong, Ken Bigley, Jack Hensley and the thousands of others who were beheaded, tortured, and killed by Al-Zarqawi and his henchmen," he said in one action-packed sentence.

Note to Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.): It's 1 pm. Where is your Zarqawi statement?