You'll Never Get Rich by Seeing Them Hitched

These days it costs as much to have a wedding as it does to buy a new car.

The Conde Nast Bridal Group, which publishes Brides, Modern Bride and Elegant Bride magazines, says the average amount spent on weddings has increased to $27,852, up from $15,208 in 1990.

But as couples are spending more on weddings, so, too, are those who attend and those who are invited to be part of the ceremony.

For example, an increasing percentage of couples are choosing to have "destination" weddings, meaning they fly away to some neutral location, often a resort with a beach. Guests usually have to fly in at their own cost.

About 16 percent of all couples have a destination wedding, a 400 percent increase in the past 10 years, according to Conde Nast. Couples who have destination weddings spend an average of $25,806, with 63 guests attending.

One recent wedding guest, who spoke on the condition that she would not be named for fear of retaliation from the happy couple, said she was not so happy when she found out how much she and her family would have to pay to attend a Caribbean wedding of this close relative. The airfares alone cost $1,200.

"They picked the most expensive resort on the island at $600 a night," the woman said. "That just flipped me out. I thought it was a huge imposition to put that kind of financial burden on us."

This issue came up during one of my recent online discussions. A reader wrote: "I have a very close girlfriend who is hosting a [distant] wedding this December outside the country. The price for my husband and [me] to attend is roughly $3,000. We just bought a house and do not want to take from our emergency savings to go. Is that wrong? She was at our wedding and is upset that we are not going."

I've heard from other wedding guests with the same experience when they, too, balked at an invitation to attend a wedding for which they would have had to spend several thousand dollars.

"With the majority of our friends opting for destination weddings, there will be no way we will be able to go to most of them -- be it for financial reasons or vacation-time issues," one woman wrote to me, also asking that her name not be used.

She went on to say, "I have felt that these couples were somewhat annoyed and angry with us. As in, 'We attended yours, so you must attend ours.' Some nagged us about attending. Others acted very surprised at our declining the invitation and kept asking us why, and some who had openly talked about their plans would refuse to discuss them again with us after receiving our decline. Just because I would miss the event did not mean I wouldn't enjoy hearing about it."

Since when did an invitation become an order?