My Girl Friend's Back

Makeup humor. It's the best kind

As is well known to the regular, loyal reader of this column (Rodney Lardbotham of Gaithersburg), I used to engage in frequent debates about gender differences with feminist scholar Gina Barreca. These debates ended suddenly, about a year ago. What people do not know is why they ended: Gina and I had a fight.

Gina: It was not a "fight." That is such a male term.

Gene: It was most certainly a fight. Gina and I became

extremely angry with each other over something she did that I strongly disapproved of.

Gina: I was not "angry." I was never "angry."

Gene: Stop interrupting.

Gina: I will stop interrupting when you begin to characterize things accurately. You were "angry" with me. I was "disappointed" in you.

Gene: "Disappointed in you" is icy womanspeak for white-hot fury. The point is, for over a year, Gina and I did not work together, but we recently met in Denver for a long-scheduled joint appearance. At dinner, I asked her if she wanted to discuss what had happened and why, and she said no. The earth trembled. Angels wept. I am pretty sure this was the first time in recorded history that a woman -- given the opportunity by a man -- did not want to discuss their relationship. This bore further inquiry. And so here we are. Gina, explain yourself.

Gina: I didn't want to discuss the situation because I didn't want to offer you yet another platform to destroy whatever pathetic remnants of self-esteem I had managed to patch together in the last year.

Gene: So, you admit you were wrong!

Gina: Oh, for heaven's sake.

Gene: What?