Junk Mail That Makes You Jump

By John Kelly
Thursday, June 15, 2006

I'm starting to think that all mail should just be thrown away, unopened. Oh sure, you'd miss the occasional refund check and love letter, but you'd also be spared missives like the one I received at home not long ago.

It was from Jerry Sharpe , the director of customer service at an Annapolis mortgage brokerage. It began: "Our files indicate that you have multiple liens on your home and your mortgage balances are at a higher than market interest rate ." (Emphasis in the original.)

Yikes -- multiple liens! Had I missed something? Was my family one short step away from being tossed onto the street?

Fortunately, Jerry can help. "You have been pre-approved for a lower interest rate and/or mortgage consolidation. This could mean a savings of up to $500 a month or more!!!"

A good rule of thumb is that the more exclamation points a sentence has, the less seriously one has to take it. And that was the case here. It was just another come-on.

But look at the way that letter is constructed. It's a masterpiece, cleverly engineered for maximum impact. "Our files" makes it sound as if I have some relationship with the company, when in reality they've just plucked my name from public records, records which I'm pretty sure say my credit's fine.

The alleged multiple liens are on my "home," not my "house." "Home" is warm and comforting. "House" is cold and impersonal. They really want me to be a-feared.

Then there's the letter writer himself: Jerry Sharpe. Turns out he's fictitious. I like the name, though. A friendly "Jerry," not a stuffy "Gerald" or "Gerard." And "Sharpe" -- it sounds WASPy, with the suggestion that he is intelligent: sharp as a tack.

But the thing that really grabs your attention is the scary buzzword "lien."

Dan Eubanks , Jerry Sharpe's "boss," said he must have gotten some bad data from the company that supplied my information.

Mine wasn't the first complaint about the letter. It has since been reworded and now reads, "Our files indicate you have multiple loans on your home."

Dan said, "It's not like we're trying to be deceptive."

Act Naturally 1

Today is the first-ever North American Nature Photography Day. Oakton's Shirley Nuhn would be delighted if you grabbed a camera and went in search of, you know, nature.

Shirley is on the committee of the North American Nature Photography Association, which came up with the idea of North American Nature Photography Day.

The occasion may be small now, but she and the others in NANPA have high hopes that eventually it may nestle alongside Arbor Day and Father's Day in the nation's -- nay, the continent's -- psyche.

"I think we really do need a day set aside," said Shirley, who when she's not photographing nature is an ESL teacher at Northern Virginia Community College. "It's about time that we hunted nature with a camera rather than guns."

Shirley said that today will probably find her in Great Falls Park with her camera in hand. Or maybe she'll just seek out a natural corner of NVCC's Annandale campus. Nature, she says, gives people "a sense of peace. Sometimes I sit in a park and kind of close my eyes, and I know I'm around something that is larger than me."

Don't despair if you don't have an expensive Nikon.

You probably have a camera in your cellphone. Would it kill you to use it to use it to take a picture of nature today, on North American Nature Photography Day?

Act Naturally 2

Nature is one of the main attractions at Camp Moss Hollow, the summer camp for at-risk kids run by the respected local charity Family & Child Services. The kids will find nature galore at Camp Moss Hollow, which even now is being prepared to receive campers.

Our goal by July 28: $450,000 .

Our total as of yesterday: $47,403.45.

To make your tax-deductible contribution: Make a check or money order payable to "Send a Kid to Camp" and mail it to P.O. Box 96237, Washington, D.C. 20090-6237.

To donate by MasterCard or Visa by phone , call 202-334-5100 and follow the instructions on our taped message.

Chew the digital fat tomorrow at 1 p.m. during my online chat. Go tohttp://www.washingtonpost.com/liveonline. And tune me in on Washhttp://inghttp://ton Post Radio, Saturday at 8:10 a.m.: 107.7 FM or 1500 AM.