They Don't Know Why They Did the Things They Did

Cher, on Capitol Hill yesterday to promote better combat helmets for the troops, has long been a friend of the military. Seventeen years ago, she danced on the deck of the USS Missouri and, cladding her tattooed bottom in fishnet, straddled one of its 16-inch guns as she recorded her "If I Could Turn Back Time" video.

Cher had weightier thoughts on her mind, and more fabric on her body, when she took her seat yesterday for a hearing of a House Armed Services subcommittee, attended by a pack of solicitous congressmen and the other former Mrs. Sonny Bono, Rep. Mary Bono (R-Calif.). But even in full attire and a sedate setting, the presence of the ageless entertainer had a magical effect: Everybody was performing his own version of "If I Could Turn Back Time."

On the day the Pentagon announced that 2,500 troops had died in Iraq, the House spent 10 hours re-debating the decision to invade Iraq in 2003 -- at least until several of them left for a picnic at the White House.

Six years after his candidacy helped to deprive Al Gore of the presidency, Ralph Nader stopped by a Gore book-signing event to patch things up with his former foe.

Meanwhile, the House Government Reform Committee was meeting to find out why the Bush administration cut counterterrorism funding for the Washington area for this year by 40 percent -- even as lawmakers conceded it was too late to do anything about it.

The beat goes on.

The daylong retrospective began at the House Government Reform Committee, where Chairman Tom Davis (R-Va.) and other lawmakers were scolding Homeland Security Undersecretary George Foresman for his agency's decision to stiff Washington.

"One of the greatest displays of incompetence," said Carolyn Maloney (D-N.Y.) "It does boggle the mind," agreed Jim Moran (D-Va.). Florida's John Mica (R) added: "I've never seen a goofier list of priorities."

"You really think," Davis demanded, that "Montana is at a higher risk than D.C.?"

Foresman, his hands trembling slightly, advised Davis: "Congressman, there are all kinds of intricacies." Behind him, his aides were chewing gum, shaking their heads and passing notes.

But all Davis and his colleagues could do was complain. Foresman said he has no plan to revisit the decision, and lawmakers said the best they could do would be to fix things next year so it doesn't happen again.

La de da de de. La de da de da.