By Dana Milbank
Friday, June 16, 2006
Cher, on Capitol Hill yesterday to promote better combat helmets for the troops, has long been a friend of the military. Seventeen years ago, she danced on the deck of the USS Missouri and, cladding her tattooed bottom in fishnet, straddled one of its 16-inch guns as she recorded her "If I Could Turn Back Time" video.
Cher had weightier thoughts on her mind, and more fabric on her body, when she took her seat yesterday for a hearing of a House Armed Services subcommittee, attended by a pack of solicitous congressmen and the other former Mrs. Sonny Bono, Rep. Mary Bono (R-Calif.). But even in full attire and a sedate setting, the presence of the ageless entertainer had a magical effect: Everybody was performing his own version of "If I Could Turn Back Time."
On the day the Pentagon announced that 2,500 troops had died in Iraq, the House spent 10 hours re-debating the decision to invade Iraq in 2003 -- at least until several of them left for a picnic at the White House.
Six years after his candidacy helped to deprive Al Gore of the presidency, Ralph Nader stopped by a Gore book-signing event to patch things up with his former foe.
Meanwhile, the House Government Reform Committee was meeting to find out why the Bush administration cut counterterrorism funding for the Washington area for this year by 40 percent -- even as lawmakers conceded it was too late to do anything about it.
The beat goes on.
The daylong retrospective began at the House Government Reform Committee, where Chairman Tom Davis (R-Va.) and other lawmakers were scolding Homeland Security Undersecretary George Foresman for his agency's decision to stiff Washington.
"One of the greatest displays of incompetence," said Carolyn Maloney (D-N.Y.) "It does boggle the mind," agreed Jim Moran (D-Va.). Florida's John Mica (R) added: "I've never seen a goofier list of priorities."
"You really think," Davis demanded, that "Montana is at a higher risk than D.C.?"
Foresman, his hands trembling slightly, advised Davis: "Congressman, there are all kinds of intricacies." Behind him, his aides were chewing gum, shaking their heads and passing notes.
But all Davis and his colleagues could do was complain. Foresman said he has no plan to revisit the decision, and lawmakers said the best they could do would be to fix things next year so it doesn't happen again.
La de da de de. La de da de da.
Next stop on the Turn-Back-Time tour: Olsson's book shop on 7th Street Northwest, where Gore was signing books at noon. "I'm not supposed to say anything, just sign books," he announced when he started. But when he got to number 214 in the line, he noticed the lanky figure and stood up. "Nice to see you! How you doing? . . . I'm really so grateful to you for coming by."
After more pleasantries, Gore scribbled a line in the book: "For my friend, Ralph Nader. With respect, Al Gore."
Nader was smitten. "He's liberated!" Nader said. "He's defining what progressive Democrats should be about."
Had they reached such a rapport six years ago, Gore might have won the election in 2000, as two men in line reminded Nader. "Thanks to you, we had Bush all these years," said one. "How many are dead in Iraq because of that?"
La de da de de. La de da de da.
Back on the Hill, both houses of Congress were in a raucous, backward-looking debate about the war in Iraq. Rep. George Miller (D-Calif.) tried to Turn Back Time to 2003. "This is a blunder of historic proportions," he said of the war.
Pete Hoekstra (R-Mich.) went back even further back in time: "The historic blunder is that we didn't confront the problem in the 1990s."
Disgusted with the proceedings, Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) advised any Iraqi parliamentarians watching on television: "Don't try this at home."
The Senate attempted a more forward-looking debate: a resolution calling for most troops to be withdrawn from Iraq by the end of the year. But it was difficult to take the senators seriously: A third of them wore blue-and-white striped suits in honor of "Seersucker Thursday," making the floor of the Senate resemble a Good Humor convention.
"If we were to cut and run," said Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-Tenn.), wearing a seersucker suit and white shoes, "bloody civil war would result." Frist returned to his office, where free ice cream was being served to all.
The Senate dispensed with the Iraq debate quickly, freeing the lawmakers to attend the annual congressional picnic at the White House.
La de da de de. La de da de da.
With everybody else living in the past, Cher herself seemed to be enjoying the present yesterday, as lawmakers fussed over her.
At the hearing room, signs on chairs dictated the seating: "Reserved Army;" "Reserved Navy;" "Reserved Cher."
"I'm waiting for Cher!" a star-struck Curt Weldon (R-Pa.) boasted to a colleague as he stood near the elevator. "Do you know who I'm waiting for?" he asked another.
Lawmakers besieged the singer when she emerged, in blue sunglasses and a black suit. Mike Conaway (R-Tex.) invited her to take a trip with him to Germany and Iraq, "whenever you want."
"I'd love to," Cher said politely.
Afterward, the giddy Conaway told an aide: "She said she'd do it!"
But will she wear fishnet?
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