It's a Jungle Out There

A mini-golfer makes his way through the Hawaiian Rumble in North Myrtle Beach, S.C. (Bill Bamberger)

"They threw them on their shoulders and carried them off. Probably food for a bunch of them."

"Nice," said Jim.

MATT MCCASLIN IS THE YOUNGEST OF THREE BROTHERS. His eldest brother, David, 42, won both the miniature golf Masters and U.S. Open in 2002, and has earned more than $75,000 in prize money since going pro in 1982. Danny, 40, the middle McCaslin, has won the mini-golf Masters twice himself, and the U.S. Open in 2003. With Matt's back-to-back victories at the U.S. Open, the McCaslins are the winningest siblings in the history of the United States ProMiniGolf Association tour.

No professional miniature golfers make their living at the sport. National tournaments offer untremendous jackpots, usually from $1,000 to $4,000 for first place. In a good year, Matt might earn $2,000 to $3,000 in prize money. He supplements his income tending bar at an Olive Garden in Cary, and he recently took a second job selling health insurance on commission. David worked for the Olive Garden for many years as well, though now he manages the music department of a Barnes & Noble and lives outside Indianapolis with his wife. Danny, who lives in Cary with his wife and daughter, not far from Matt, waits tables at a Macaroni Grill.

In early grade school, Matt would tag along with David and Danny to the Putt-Putt in Memphis. Matt began playing in local tournaments at a young age and won his first national junior league championship when he was 9. At 16, he went pro. (Going pro consists, essentially, of filling out a form and paying dues -- $30 in the adventure golf league, $125 on the Putt-Putt tour.) Matt's interest in mini-golf tapered off in high school, but he returned to the sport in 2000, when his brothers talked him into competing in the U.S. Open in North Myrtle Beach. He placed second and has been a regular on the tournament circuit ever since.

When talking with people outside the professional putting community, Matt is careful not to overstate the significance or rigor of a sport designed so that a maladroit third-grader may occasionally manage a hole-in-one. But Matt does make the case that good pro mini-golfers have honed an expertise with bank shots and faux turf that, on a mini-golf course at least, would humble even the titans of the PGA. "If I got on a course with Tiger Woods, and he didn't practice, I'd beat him," said Matt, who then admitted that this rehearsed line was part of a deliberate media strategy among the pros. "A few of the [pros] said, 'Look, every time we do an interview, we've got to say we'd beat Tiger Woods, to help promote the sport.'"

Danny made the same claim to a journalist, and the PGA took note. Woods could not be tempted to compete, but golfer Ben Crane teed off against Danny in a televised mini-golf competition in Dallas in 2005. Crane beat Danny by one stroke. "In the next round," Danny quickly added, "I beat him by five."

The PGA has issued no reciprocal challenges to the McCaslins, which is fine by the brothers, none of whom is an avid golfer. Matt has golfed only once in the past eight years and is not interested in testing his mettle on traditional putting greens. "My putts sucked on the greens," said Matt, who readily acknowledges that playing on a full-size course -- with the aerodynamic difficulties of driving, chipping, putting at great length and knowing what club to wield when -- calls for skills beyond the demands of mini-golf. Golf "takes a whole different level of thought."

JUST AFTER NOON THE NEXT DAY, Matt and Jim rolled into Branson. The tournament wasn't until the following morning, but they needed a day to learn the course.

Dinner theater establishments lined the road, most of them hosting shows trading in Opry-ish and Dixie motifs. Matt drove past fudge shops and moccasin stores, and past the theater where Yakov Smirnoff, the Cold War-era Russian comic, set up shop just after the dissolution of the Soviet Union (Smirnoff's signature phrase: "America -- what a country!").

The tournament was taking place at Grand Country Square, a family entertainment strip whose attractions, in addition to the indoor mini-golf course, include a water park, a country cooking buffet, eight shows (three of whose titles contained the word "jubilee") and the "World's Largest Banjo," which weighs 3,000 pounds and whose headstock juts from the window of a frozen custard shop.

As Grand Country Square came into view, Jim turned to Matt and asked, "Are you excited yet?"