How to Be a Good Bus Groupie

The next time I go on a group tour, it will be as a passenger, not a guide. Here's what my turn as a crew member taught me about being a better customer.

1. Don't hog the front seats. Your fellow travelers will quietly hate you if you're one of those selfish spoilsports who gulp breakfast every day in order grab the shotgun rows. (Collette Vacations enforces a seat rotation policy to prevent this outrage).

2. Don't be late. Everyone can oversleep once, especially in a new time zone. But, my goodness, you should hear what they say about you on the bus if they have to wait on you a second time.

3. Don't complain about things the guide can't fix. To name a few: the weather, the exchange rate, the maddening insistence of foreign countries to use currencies other than the dollar, the number of tourists in Europe who want to visit the same places you do, the number of stairs that Emperor Franz Josef built into his summer palace.

4. Do complain about things she can fix. The guide I worked for actually relished doing battle on behalf of her guests over balky air conditioners, underdone steaks, twice-billed wine and noisy rooms.

5. Don't steal the bananas. Each morning, I searched for a banana (for my cereal, don't you know), and every day the buffet was banana-less. Finally, I complained (see Rule 4) and learned that hotels commonly hide unpeeled fruits from big bus groups because it all gets stolen for lunches ! Please, don't strip the buffet to save yourself a few euros and maybe they'll give us our bananas back.

-- Steve Hendrix