Tuesday, July 25, 2006; C04
Dear Readers:
A few weeks back, in response to a letter from "Not a Crafting Queen," who inquired about what to do about her crafty friend's handmade gifts, I asked readers to respond by telling me about their most hideous handmade gifts.
The results are in.
First we need to stipulate that every handmade gift is a thing of beauty in its own right. We don't want to make fun of the people who create these treasures -- but surely we can laugh at these peculiar creations.
Particular favorites of mine are the crocheted or knitted toilet paper roll holders. If there was a hall of fame of classic crafts, these items would have a display case all to themselves.
Dear Amy:
I've got a gem for you. My gal pal proudly presented me with a five-foot-tall faux topiary shaped like a chicken. I accepted the chicken tree as graciously as I could.
I knew I would have to display this topiary when my friend came calling, and so I placed it on the front porch. My friend nodded approvingly, but she suggested that maybe I needed a "pair" of them, one on each side of the front door, to attain a more symmetrical balance. Let's all pray that she forgets this idea.
Christi
Dear Amy:
I have a very sweet mother-in-law who loves to make handicrafts. Angels, teddy bears and crocheted cows seem to be her top favorites to give as gifts.
The most hideous of them all was the brightly colored cow's head made to sit on the back of the toilet and stuffed with the spare roll of toilet paper to maintain its shape.
Anonymous
Dear Amy:
A friend of our family's was way into crafts and made some beautiful things, but this one left us scratching our heads. She would wind yarn around the edges of a plastic flyswatter paddle, then weave plastic or silk flowers into the plastic meshwork.
I'm sorry to say that I used it to swat flies (after I removed the flowers, of course -- they slowed it down).
Aaron From Chicago
Dear Amy:
For my 12th birthday, my grandmother presented me with one of her projects as a gift. It was a purse made out of plastic milk jugs.
She cut the jugs up, punched holes in the plastic and then sewed them together with bright, multicolored yarn. The shoulder strap was made from the brass chain that you use to hang lamps from the ceiling.
It was the most hideous thing I'd ever seen. My mother still tells me about the priceless look on my face when I opened it, not to mention how I managed to show my grandmother my gratitude for working so hard on it and for thinking of me.
Amy in Rockville
Dear Amy:
As a wedding gift, a very wealthy friend of my husband's family gave us a clown that was made from a bleach bottle. The sand-filled bottle wore a baggy green, orange, red and white suit and had a creepy plastic head on top with bright orange hair. We were stunned, but it did give us something to laugh about while we were writing out our thank-you notes.
Anonymous
Dear Amy:
For a wedding gift, my great-aunt crocheted a long skirt that fit onto a Barbie doll. You put the doll's legs into a toilet paper roll and the skirt covers the roll. This is supposed to make the spare roll of paper more attractive. We made a ceremony of gifting the toilet paper doll to each newlywed couple in the family. It has become a tradition that everyone enjoys.
Anonymous
Dear Amy:
One Christmas, my assistant, whom I value highly, presented me with a gift that she made herself. It was a heavy glass jar filled with potpourri and angel heads. Twirled around inside were tiny Christmas lights with the plug hanging out of the top of the jar. When you plugged it in, the jar lit up and the most noxious odor emitted from the ghastly concoction. She asks me every year if I light up her special Christmas jar, and of course I say yes . . . but it's actually lighting up a landfill.
Anonymous
Dear Amy:
I had to laugh when a few years ago a friend of mine told me about her "ugly-gift closet." She stored unwanted gift items in it, and just before the giver came to visit, she could easily haul out whatever doodad was needed, and after the visit put it back in her "UGC" for the next time.
I think everyone could use a UGC on occasion.
Loves Ugly Gifts
2006by the Chicago Tribune Distributed by Tribune Media Services