For Mary J. Blige, Another Life to Live

Mary J. Blige says she still struggles with old demons "each and every night." (By Markus Klinko And Indrani)

For Mary J. Blige, "no more drama" still applies, but soap operas are okay.

Which is why on Friday, Blige fans will want to tune in to (or TiVo) her appearance on the ABC daytime soap "One Life to Live." Blige will perform a couple of songs at the Capricorn club in the fictional town of Llanview, Pa. And on Sunday, she'll perform a whole lot more songs at Nissan Pavilion in the real town of Manassas, Va.

For a long time, a soap opera probably would have been just as good a home for Blige as the concert stage or recording studio. Drama abounded in her turbulent personal life, from alcohol, drugs and depression to physical and emotional abuse. Blige's 1992 debut, "What's the 411?," always seemed ripe for a sequel titled "Where's the 911?"

But as Mary's fans know (and to her fans, she'll always be just Mary), the premiere R&B singer of her generation has been working on herself for some time -- both offstage and through her recordings, beginning with 1994's "My Life," the first in which Blige's lyrics offered insights into her troubles, the first to match tell to the show in her voice. Seven years later, "No More Drama" suggested a diminishing distance between the tawdry, self-destructive "Where I've Been" and a destination first identified on that earlier album: "All I really want is to be happy."

Her most recent album, "The Breakthrough," released late last year, showcases an artist who seems to have finally found peace, love and cherished stability through spiritual awakening and her marriage three years ago to record industry executive Kendu Isaacs, whom the singer credits with helping her kick drug and alcohol addictions. Made-it-through testimony is evident in Blige's chart-topping "Be Without You," "Can't Hide From Luv" and "I Found My Everything," along with further distancing from old demons in "Enough Cryin" and "Baggage." There's also a plea to a lover -- and, by implication, to her fans -- to "Take Me as I Am," scars and all.

"That's the gist of Mary J. Blige right now," the singer said from Los Angeles during a recent tour break. "You either like it or you don't. No disrespect, but I cannot continue to live my life to make [other people] happy. I gotta be happy with me in order for anybody else to be happy. And if I can't accept me for who I am, then who will?

"As to my being in a better place in my mental, spiritual, physical life, yes, I am ," Blige says emphatically. But she also hints at the nightly catharsis performing material that dredges up memories and emotions from the bad old times.

"I have to face the old demons each and every night," Blige admits. "This is a process. I'm not completely healed, you know what I mean? When I got married, I found out who I was, I found out just how messed up I really was. I mean, I knew I was messed up, but, gosh, I didn't know I was damaged like this !"

According to Blige, "when you're in a position like myself, your fans depend on you for what they depend on you for. And for people to get fed what they want to be fed at your concert, and even when they listen to your records, sometimes you might have to rewind, to relive, because everyone has not come through the way you've come through. What I'm doing is I'm healing with my people at the same time. When I'm singing these songs to them, I'm not singing it like I'm all perfect and healed up. I'm singing it like I need help, too. Pray for me, too."

"We all have flaws, and that's what my fans appreciate about me and that's why it's probably going to be a really big thing on this tour," she adds. "They see me now and [say], 'Wow, Mary's come a long way; she's a mega-superstar and she's still with us, she still knows that we're in abusive relationships, she still feels our pain, she's still going through all the stuff that we go through.' It's just a celebration of the fact that we've broken through and we've come through. It's all about self and how can we make our self a better person, work on ourselves to make our lives better."

The irony is that, through good times and bad, Blige has always had the comfort and security of her instrument, a big, blues-informed voice that seems to meld the raw, emotional power of soul and gospel with a more modern hip-hop sensibility. But her life has been decidedly less stable, the result of growing up in a tough Yonkers, N.Y., housing project, a father who disappeared early in her life and temptations that became more accessible as Blige's reign as the newly crowned Queen of Hip-Hop Soul began in the early '90s. There was, Blige says, a substantial disconnect between the adored public diva and the private individual enduring a long, troubled relationship with Jodeci's Cedric "K-Ci" Hailey and succumbing to self-destructive behavior.

Even as "Mary J. Blige the Superstar" -- the singer refers to herself this way matter-of-factly -- there was never any sense of security "until I had a drink or some drugs that made me feel really good," she says. "I felt like nothing, I hated who I was, I hated looking in the mirror at myself. The change that has happened from that to now is that I really like Mary J. Blige, the person at home. The person that has to look in the mirror without the makeup, without the hair done. . . . Now I really appreciate her and love her, and I'm learning to love her unconditionally."

Last fall, Blige recorded James Taylor's "Your Smiling Face" for a Crest toothpaste campaign to promote dental hygiene at Boys & Girls Clubs of America. Her own face was certainly all smiles when "The Breakthrough" came out in December. All six of her studio albums topped Billboard's R&B/hip-hop chart, but this one was a breakthrough, debuting at No. 1 on the Top 200 album chart and selling 727,000 copies, the most ever by a solo female R&B artist (and tripling the singer's previous best first-week sales). The album has now sold more than 2 million copies.

On "The Breakthrough," Blige acted as executive producer for the first time, which explains the wider range of material, from the examination of her absent father's effect on her romantic relationships ("Father in You") to the jubilant brag track "MJB Da MVP (repurposing the beat from the Game's "Hate It or Love It") to a guest appearance by "Brook-Lyn" (Blige's rapping alter ego) on "Enough Cryin."

All this has left Blige feeling newly empowered professionally.

"My thing is I like to have control, and I had to have control over an album like 'The Breakthrough,' " she explains. "I came up with the title a year before I went into the studio, and I wasn't even thinking about any concepts for the songs -- just the title alone and what it was going to do. I don't like to confuse people or send mixed messages out, and when other people get involved, they start mixing up and confusing your messages when they probably don't even really understand what you're saying. I'm really happy that I'm in full control of every message that was sent out there."

That includes the self-esteem song "About You," produced by Black Eyed Pea will.I.am and featuring a prominent sample of the 1965 Nina Simone song "Feelin' Good." Next year, the Queen of Hip-Hop Soul will portray the High Priestess of Soul in an as yet-untitled MTV Films/Paramount Pictures biopic.

Blige says she didn't know much about Simone, best known in the '60s for her bracing meld of jazz, soul and protest song and volatile personality, until she read her autobiography, "I Put a Spell on You." She has since found a lot of commonalities, from fighting for creative control and freedom to cross stylistic boundaries to surviving tempestuous relationships with lovers and managers.

"Reading the script and reading on Nina, I feel really connected," says Blige, for whom this will be her first starring role. She had a small role alongside Q-Tip and Fat Joe in 2001's "Prison Song" and two years ago was a guest storyteller in "The Exonerated," an off-Broadway production that showcased true-life stories of death-row inmates found innocent and freed.

The "One Life to Live" shot, which won't require much of a stretch on the acting front, will be Blige's first soap appearance, though not her first soap tie-in: She sampled the theme to "The Young and the Restless" on "No More Drama."

"When I was growing up with my grandparents, I watched 'The Young and the Restless' every day," Blige recalls, also fondly recalling "General Hospital" and "The Edge of Night" -- "People probably don't even remember that one," she says. "And I have been a fan of 'One Life to Live' for a long time."

Speaking of another "One," "The Breakthrough" includes Blige's duet with Bono and U2 on a cover of their 1992 hit. Blige and Bono performed it together at September's "Shelter From the Storm: A Concert for the Gulf Coast" and again at this year's Grammys. More recently, Blige and Elliott Yamin performed "One" on the season finale of "American Idol," though Yamin might have wanted a rematch after Blige appeared to overwhelm him, almost shoving him aside to completely take command of the song and the stage.

But that's the way "One" appears on Blige's album: Bono opens with restraint and then gets out of the way as Blige does her thing before coming back in on the chorus. Yamin did exactly what he was supposed to do, and an admiring Blige says, "He's got a great voice." In fact, the Blige-Yamin duet was the only one to receive a standing ovation from all the judges that night. Yamin, incidentally, is in town Friday as "American Idol Live" comes to Verizon Center, but he won't be performing the song, which is reportedly an emotional centerpiece of Blige's concert, albeit "One" of many.

Mary J. Blige Appearing Sunday at Nissan Pavilion with Jaheim and LeToya What to expect: Mary's gonna work it out onstage, exorcizing the bad things she has survived and luxuriating in the good things that have happened to her the past few years.