Even at 13, Boarding School Can Be Just the Thing

Girls from fifth to ninth grade -- and especially those in seventh grade -- often band together in mean little cliques, forcing a newcomer to do mean things herself, just to be accepted. This behavior inevitably makes the child ashamed of herself and destroys her self-confidence in just a few months.

Even if your daughter had never faced a clique, boarding school should be good for her, since each new experience inspires a child to think; and if the experience is good, it will encourage her to reach heights higher than she ever thought she could.

A school for ADD students -- if well run -- should also teach your daughter how to manage her time, organize her materials and perfect her study habits -- skills that other children seem to learn by osmosis. In addition, the emphasis on order and neatness will teach her how to get rid of the distractions in her life, which is a lesson all ADD children should learn. Their minds distract them quite enough as it is.

Your mom is the final plus in this plan, since she lives near enough to send special treats to your daughter sometimes and to invite her out for lunch.

If this school doesn't work out, however, tell your daughter that she can always come home midterm. This should ease her anxiety -- and yours -- significantly.

Whether she goes or stays, she should keep seeing a therapist, particularly one familiar with adoption issues. Some adopted children get angry at their birth mothers for letting them be adopted, while others think they must have been too ugly, or too unlovable, for them to keep. Neither position is sensible, of course. A birth mother who lets someone else rear her child is showing the finest kind of love, and so are the parents who give her their name and their hearts.

An adopted child is the ultimate gift.

Questions? Send them toadvice@margueritekelly.comor to Box 15310, Washington, D.C. 0003.