Saudi Youth Use Cellphone Savvy To Outwit the Sentries of Romance

A Face-to-Face Meeting

Spoiled called Thobaity a week after he sent his number by Bluetooth.

"I was curious," she said in a telephone interview. The 21-year-old university student had agreed to meet a reporter in person, but at the last minute her father wouldn't let her leave the house -- a typical obstacle to Saudi-style dating.

She said she rarely uses the Bluetooth function on her phone because "guys are usually just playing around with girls when they do that." And driving down the road that night last month, she said, she turned it on because she thought it might stop Thobaity from chasing her at high speed. "I thought if I could convince him I was taking his number I could get rid of him," she said. She told her family's driver that Thobaity was a pest.

But she couldn't get him out of her mind. She liked his persistence, and even though she saw him out her car window for just a few minutes, "there was something about him."

So she called him, and they talked on their cellphones for three hours -- about everything from family to favorite foods. "We talked like we really knew each other," she said. "He was clear and frank and honest, and when you find a guy like that, you really feel comfortable."

Spoiled, who declined to give her name because her parents do not know about her boyfriend, said she had never dated before. Saudi culture demands that families arrange meetings between young men and women -- with the sole goal of marriage. The couples can decline to wed, but they are generally forbidden to seek out partners of their own choosing.

Saudi women are required to dress "modestly" in public, which means at least covering their hair, but most wear a head-to-toe black veil and robe that reveals only their eyes. Men trying to flirt with women often have no idea what they look like, except for eyes that are often elaborately adorned with makeup.

Saudi youths have found ways to date despite the restrictions -- often meeting in out-of-the-way places where they enter pretending to be brother and sister. But Spoiled said many young people are ambivalent about dating because they are deeply influenced by the society's conservative norms. That applies even to people like herself who've lived overseas -- she spent time in the United States -- and been exposed to other customs.

"It's not nice for girls to know too many guys," she said.

Thobaity said he was also conflicted about whether meeting a woman by Bluetooth was morally acceptable. He said he wants to meet someone to love, but he also doesn't want to betray a religion and culture that are important to him. "Deep down inside, I think this is wrong," he said, but then added quickly, "But I am not sure."

Thobaity, who is studying to be a pharmacist, said he has had only one previous relationship with a girl. But he said it fell apart because she found it so hard to get out of the house that he only saw her face-to-face twice in two years. "Her parents are very strict," he said.

Despite such reservations, cellphones and Bluetooth have allowed young people to experiment more freely with flirting and dating, within whatever limits they set for themselves. The Internet is also popular but is not as convenient or intimate as Bluetooth. "This technology has made this whole thing easier," Spoiled said.