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Well, Shannen, the Thing Is, You See, It's Not Us, It's You

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There's no heavy lifting required by Doherty. And no fun for the viewer.

The only real laughs come from obnoxious Steve, who recognizes Doherty and immediately begins hitting on her. "You are the last Coca-Cola in the desert to a thirsty man," he says, followed by, "You're a lot hotter in person than you are on TV."

And the kicker: "Are you ovulating?"

At that point, you'd like to see her go all '90s-Doherty on him, but she sits back and takes it good-naturedly.

The second breakup is a bit more complex, but it's still such a no-brainer. The boyfriend, Jeremy, finds Lydia way too controlling and jealous (we learn that she deleted all the female names from his cellphone).

Again, Doherty is there to deliver his breakup message. Again, by video.

And again, this show cries out for the "bad" Shannen, whose erratic antics in her heyday could really break us up.

Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty (30 minutes) debuts tonight at 10 on Oxygen.

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