In a Memphis Funk, May the Farce Be With You

By Tony Kornheiser
Wednesday, August 23, 2006

MEMPHIS  -- So here I am walking in Memphis, walking with my feet 10 feet off of Beale. I'm about to get some barbecue, maybe at the Rendezvous. Because you can work up a serious appetite on this drive-by and walk-by tour of American landmarks. As you remember, I drove by Graceland the other day. (It was too complicated to actually park and then get out and tour. It was soooo hot.) And Tuesday I drove by the Lorraine Motel, where Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated. Everything about it has been preserved, even the DeSoto and Cadillac parked in the lot. Then I walked down Beale Street, where the blues clubs are, including B.B. King's famous joint. Of course, I didn't go in there, either. I don't know why I just stop and stare at these landmarks and don't go in. I know I could learn something inside, but I seem to have the attention span of a foam hand.

I drove here after the Monday night game in Shreveport. And I don't want to get too sportsy on you, but those Dallas Cowboys looked awfully good. They've got a No. 1 running back in Julius Jones. Terry Glenn, she can play. She had a touchdown catch that was Randy Moss highlight worthy. Drew Bledsoe looked really good and behind him Tony Romo looked really good. And that's a stunner because I thought all Tony Romo did was ribs! And their defense smothered the Saints, who with Drew Brees and Reggie Bush were supposed to be so suddenly dynamic on offense. The Saints certainly are everyone's feel-good team this year, but the Cowboys trifled with them. At this point Redskins fans have to be hoping that when T.O. finally actually plays for the Cowboys he somehow detonates them. Because if T.O. plays like he can, without incident, those Cowboys can be massive.

We drove all night on the bus to get here and I had the strangest dream. I imagined passing a giant billboard and for some reason, it said, "How many ombudswomen does it take to change a light bulb?" And the answer was: "It doesn't matter. An ombudswoman will still happily scold you in the dark."

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