Fractured Funny Bone

Amy, that's enough.

"I almost expect to have a badge pinned to my lapel for my effort, like a Girl Scout -- and how easy all this self-esteem is -- "

AMY! STOP! Jeez, girl, maybe it's time to switch to decaf.

But the best advice in the magazine -- in fact, the best advice I've ever read in a magazine -- did not come from a famous author. It came from Alyssa Graham, 34, of New York, one of the 14 "real women" who offered their secret beauty tips.

"Good jazz, a glass of wine at the end of the day and lots of lovemaking," she advises. "They take away all the wrinkles."

That's all the advice you need, folks. Now you don't have to buy the magazine.

Just Not in the Cards

August produced two other noteworthy bits of magazine news:

Philips Electronics struck a blow against those obnoxious subscription cards that clutter nearly every magazine these days. Philips purchased two-page ads in four Hearst magazines -- Redbook, House Beautiful, O at Home and Weekend -- on the condition that the mags not contain any of the hated cards. Perhaps we should all run right out and buy some Philips products, just to say thanks.

Time magazine announced that, come January, it will no longer appear on Mondays. Instead, the 83-year-old newsmagazine will appear on Fridays. Why? "On the weekend people have more time to read it," says Richard Stengel, Time's managing editor, "and I want to have the magazine in the hands of people when they're ready, eager and willing to read it."

Folks at Time also point out another benefit: Staffers will no longer have to spend Friday nights working till the wee hours, closing the magazine. Now they'll be able to work something close to a normal Monday to Friday workweek. They may even be able to get a life, if that's the kind of thing that interests them.