A Man for All Seasonings

Dear Miss Manners:

My 20-year-old daughter was recently married. She is also pregnant. One of the guests at the wedding gave a gift of Pampers and baby wipes. I was simply livid. It was such poor taste. I would like to know what is an appropriate response to this obvious slight.

A letter of thanks for a useful, if not glamorous, present.

Miss Manners does not understand why this troubles you. It is an insult to insinuate that a bride is pregnant, or at least it used to be. But one who is frankly so can hardly take offense when this is recognized.

Dear Miss Manners:

My girlfriend puts bacon bits on her salad, something I find disgusting. I tell her this is "gross." She says it is rude of me to comment negatively about her food. I say this is not rude of me, that I think it is gross even though she doesn't. Please help us settle this.

What is gross here is your putting your nose into someone else's salad. Miss Manners would say that the lady erred only in not going far enough. Even monitoring what others eat is rude, much less commenting on it. Even more serious an etiquette travesty is your assumption that thinking something justifies saying it.

Feeling incorrect? E-mail your etiquette quesitons to Miss Manners (who is distraught that she cannot reply personally) atMissManners@unitedmedia.comor mail to United Media, 200 Madison Ave., New York, N.Y. 10016.

2006Judith Martin