Tater Shots: Boys Love 'Em

Spray It Again

As long as spudguns are only used for shooting potatoes, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms does not classify them as firearms. Some smaller jurisdictions, however -- especially in California, oddly enough -- have gone so far as to declare the devices potato non gratin.

Recently, aficionados have been mourning the reformulation of their fuel of choice -- Right Guard deodorant. "It isn't flammable anymore," Suprise says. "Probably because of us crazy spudgunners."

This has caused many spudgunners to turn to hair spray, the cheapest brands available -- "your Aqua Net, your Suave, your White Rain," author Gurstelle says. The problem with hair spray is that "it's basically plastic in a can," says Suprise, and eventually it will gum up the firing mechanism, which is why alternative fuels are being widely researched -- automotive starter fluid, 195-proof Everclear drinking alcohol out of a spray bottle, and so on in an increasingly volatile list. Payne and Anders decide to go with Suave Extra Hold.

To charge a spudgun, the idea is to voosh several seconds worth of hair spray into the combustion chamber and quickly cap it. The tricky part of making this cap, however, is fitting into it the ignition mechanism for a Coleman Ozark Trail Lantern. The solution involves Payne's impressive drill press, and some countersinking, and accidentally breaking the first igniter. "That's why I bought two of them," muses Anders. "I knew we'd [botch] one up." Then comes the issue of making sure there is an airtight seal.

"What should we use?" Payne asks. "Skoal?"

Anders just looks at him, then silently produces a tube of silicone.

Setting aside the assembly to cure for a night, Payne says, "If I see a turkey buzzard, she's going down."

Showtime

The next night, Payne shows up at the clearing in the forest on his ATV wearing his camos. He has a cooler of "aiming fluid" -- Michelob Ultra -- and a load of ideas. The cannon, he decides, should be named the Appalachian American Attitude Adjuster, and wouldn't it be really great if you stretched some guitar strings across the muzzle such that, if you aim at a deep fat fryer, you'd get french fries?

Anders shows up in his overalls with his wife, Kandy, and daughter, Krista. The ladies began to show interest when he came home with three watermelons and explained they were going to be for target practice.

Payne promptly dubs the fruit the al-Qaeda watermelon brigade and vows to annihilate them with a "weapon of mashed destruction," but there is a slight edge to the joking because no one really knows what to expect. If this thing blows up -- how bad does PVC shrapnel hurt?

In goes the potato, out comes the 14-ounce can of Suave. One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand. Payne sprays, then slaps the cap home. Anders hoists the weapon to his shoulder. Payne stands behind him to turn the igniter.

He cranks it up.