ASK AMY

Dear Amy:

I am the father of a 13-year-old girl who is seeing -- on a limited basis -- a 16-year-old boy.

They attend the same junior/senior high school and met over the Internet when my daughter was "instant messaging" with the 16-year-old boy's younger brother.

The young man treats my daughter nicely, and she cares very much for him. Obviously, I have "snooped" on some of their Internet conversations. The conversations have seemed appropriate and very pleasant.

We allow the two of them to be together only in groups of young people at adult-chaperoned events. He may not drive her anywhere or take her home. They have eaten together or gone to the movies only when an adult is present.

This has been going on for about four or five months.

My question is this -- and I've been debating this today with a co-worker -- is it possible that my daughter is "in love"?

Pondering Parent in Ill.

I have no idea whether your daughter is "in love" and, frankly, I'm surprised that you and your co-worker have spent any time debating it.

Why don't you ask her how she feels about this boy? What she likes about him and what her expectations are? I wouldn't ask her if she is "in love" because I don't think you should introduce this notion, but if she volunteers that she is, then you will need to have a very serious series of conversations with her.

Honestly, I think that 13 is too young to have anything even approximating a "dating" relationship. You are right to set down clear boundaries about this; I would encourage your family to get to know this boy and to watch both of them with a benign but hawklike gaze.