My New City of Brotherly Love

About 18 months ago, I wrote a little column -- actually, that was back when I was writing big ones -- about Super Bowl XXXIX and said some things that some people might construe as being, um, slightly critical of Jacksonville. Things like "How did Jacksonville get the Super Bowl? What, Tuscaloosa was booked?" And "Jacksonville has this one great thing, the TPC course with the island green on No. 17. . . . The rest of it can be described with this phrase, 'Welcome to Hooters.' "

The people in Jacksonville weren't happy. In fact, they crushed me, but I figured, hey, when am I gonna go there ?

Then I got the call from Cindy: "Oh, genius, the schedule just came out. Guess where you're going Week 2."

So to the people of Jacksonville, I say, "Oy." And I say to you, I can explain! At the time, I had plenty of good reasons for writing that column. Take your pick:

Actually, my editor wrote it. [Editor's note: I did not. I only write his funny stuff.]

It was a typo. I typed "Jacksonville" instead of "Houston."

Come on, we kid because we love.

I've been in Jacksonville for a few days now and I have to say I'm enjoying myself immensely. The city has everything I love: palm trees, golf, water, warm weather. The people, a very forgiving lot, have been most welcoming and friendly.

Except for these few small things that have appeared in the Florida Times-Union. Here's when I knew I was in trouble. When the Saturday paper had as a headline at the top of the front page of the sports section, the following words: "Coming Sunday, Q&A with Jacksonville basher Tony Kornheiser." Again, at the top of the page. Gaaaaaccccckkkkk! I mean, what kind of shot do I have to make amends if I'm labeled the "Jacksonville basher?"

But that was nothing compared with Sunday's Times-Union. At the top of Page 1, over where it says, "Florida Times-Union," was a picture of me with the following words in huge type: "Pardon the insult. Jacksonville basher Tony Kornheiser now singing a new tune." And then inside, on the front of an NFL game-day section, the entire top half of the page (with a canary yellow background and a gigantic head shot -- and when I say gigantic I mean the entire top half of the page) and this headline: "Tony says he's sorry."

And I am sorry. I was wrong. I was completely wrong. I apologize unconditionally to everyone who lives in Jacksonville or might conceivably live in Jacksonville. Unconditional apology. And I'm serious about this. Two things immediately come to mind: 1, I am going to need police protection for tonight's game and 2, I'm going to buy a house in Jacksonville ("Monday Night Football" pays pretty well). What better way for me to show how much I love Jacksonville than to support the economy and stand shoulder to shoulder with my Jacksonville -- and Jacksonville Beach -- brothers and sisters?

And why do I say this? Not just because I love Jacksonville, which I surely do now, but we have another game here in Week 11.