James Woods's Formidable Chops in 'Shark'

'Six Degrees'

Think of the new ABC drama "Six Degrees," which premieres tonight, as a kind of gift -- not a gift to the television viewers of this great nation, but a gift to J.J. Abrams, the producer-writer behind it. Because Abrams came up with ABC's big, loud walloping hit "Lost," network executives were apparently eager to reward him by buying whatever other ideas might pop out of his head.

Unfortunately, the central conceit of "Six Degrees" -- that you and I and our fates are separated by only a half-dozen people from each other (before it was theorized that we were all just six degrees away from actor Kevin Bacon) -- is strictly yesterday's blog. It's lame and it's limp, and as deployed for "Six Degrees," the conceit would seem to owe quite a bit to the movie "Crash," among such other more antique inspirations as "The Bridge of San Luis Rey."

Jay Hernandez stars as who-zee-whats, Bridget Moynahan co-stars as what's-her-name, and such actors as Erika Christensen, Dorian Missick and the king of the logy mopers, Campbell Scott, play whoever's left.

Scott's character, to pick one at random, is a photographer suffering from shooter's block, or whatever photographers call it; he'd like to take pictures, yes, but darn it, he's just not in the mood. So he sulks around for 10 or 15 minutes and then decides: "I'd like to work. I'm ready to work. I wasn't ready last week, but I am ready now."

It sounds like a variation on an old Rodney Dangerfield line. He used to come out onstage in his black suit and red tie and say, "I'm okay now, but last week I was in bad shape, you know what I mean?" At least with Rodney, it was funny on purpose.

The premiere is narrated ominously -- at least at the open and close -- by The Voice. "One island, millions of people, six strangers," The Voice intones over early shots of Manhattan. Of all those people, "Any one, at any time, could be the one that changes your life forever." Yeah, yeah, big deal. But where's the nearest Dunkin' Donuts?

Okay, we'll play along: Who's going to change somebody else's life forever? Perhaps it's the girl doing a Lady Godiva on a garbage truck. Or the man who arrives on a rooftop to find a young woman proffering a lavish dinner and a note reading, "Will you marry me?" Or maybe it's the TV critic who, having seen one too many ridiculous idiocies being passed off as new ideas, gets hold of a nuclear warhead and -- okay, no, that's not part of the show.

"Anyone on the planet can be connected to any other person through a chain of six people," says The Voice near the conclusion. "No one is a stranger for long." What a sweet thought. Just the kind of note on which to end "Six Degrees" -- and to hope you'll never set eyes on it again.

Shark (one hour) debuts tonight at 10 on Channel 9.

Six Degrees (one hour) debuts tonight at 10 on Channel 7.