Week 681: Ticket to Write
Having spent her tykehood immersed in now-ancient Mad magazines, the Empress has long been partial to clever song parodies. One problem with parodies: They're not much fun to read if you don't know the song; in past contests, geezers were mystified by a spoof of "Hey Ya," ungeezers by a take on "Begin the Beguine." So we turn to a corpus with which every reputable person of any age is intimately familiar. This week: Write a jingle for a business (or its product), organization or government agency, set to a Beatles song.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up receives a hefty jar of Sultan's Paste (For Strength), a Turkish blend of honey and 41 herbal products that, according to the package, "has been formulated from the original recipe the ottoman Sultan's Referres to on their harem lifes." It was donated by the suspiciously strong-looking Phil Battey of Alexandria.
Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called this week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Tuesday, Oct. 3. Put "Week 681" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Oct. 22. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The Honorable Mentions name is by Tom Witte of Montgomery Village.
Report From Week 677,
in which we asked for poems based on articles in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Aug. 28 to Sept. 4: Great week. The editors liked these so much that, as part of their continued effort to liven up the paper to attract more readers, a memo is reportedly in the works announcing that all news copy henceforth will be written as rhyming doggerel, including the stock listings.
4 "Castles With Too Much Overhead"
I inherited a castle and I thought I was in heaven.
But now I see this fairy tale jumps right to Chapter 7.
(Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)
3 "Adrian Fenty for Mayor" (editorial)
Cropp and Fenty, Fenty and Cropp,
One's gonna rise, and one's gonna drop.
Linda and Adrian, Adrian, Linda,
One's through the doorway, one's out the winda.
Twelfth of September, voters aplenty
Are making a choice. We're betting on Fenty.
(Mae Scanlan, Washington)
2 the winner of the gross fake ear:
"Ex-Colleague Says Armitage Was Source of CIA Leak"