More Honorable Mentions
More Honorable Mentions from Week 677 of The Style Invitational, which asked for poems based on articles appearing in The Post or washingtonpost.com from Aug. 28 to Sept. 4:
"Castles With Too Much Overhead"
When you inherit French chateaux
And then work through the math,
You'll likely join the droves who flee:
A Bordeaux Grapes of Wrath.
(Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)
"Mixing Bowl's New I-395 Ramp a Ray of Hope"
Improvements to the Mixing Bowl
Are earning rave opinions:
Some folks can drive so fast that they
Forget that they're Virginians.
(Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)
"Rumsfeld Assails Critics of War Policy"
We hope that one day Rumsfeld's forum
Will look into their bathroom RORRIM.
(Ross Elliffe, Picton, New Zealand)
"In Any Language, a Whole Lotta Shakira Goin' On"
Music critic J. duLac
Saw Shakira, came on back,
Got his laptop in a twist,
Pretty nearly sprained a wrist
Typing out an accolade
To the way her hips are made.
Nice review, J. Freedom; thankee.
Someone get this man a hankie.
(David Smith, Santa Cruz, Calif.)
"Legal Penalties in Frauds Are Seldom Paid by Legal Advisers"
The godfathers of corp'rate greed
Face prison lives quite scary.
Avoid the fate of those who lead:
Be their consiglieri.
(Ken Gallant, professor of law, University of Arkansas)
"Scores Investigated in Ikea Bribery Case"
Some German prosecutors are at work, I see,
In charging some Ikea suits with bribery.
I doubt those lawyers understand the task they face;
It's bloody hell, constructing an Ikea case.
"FBI Shows Off Counterterrorism Database"
[The FBI has built a database with more than 659 million records]
The FBI has made it clear:
More terrorists than people here!
"Plan for Enhanced Federal IDs Could Open Door to a Biometrics Boom"
New biometric fingerprint cards
Can provide a reason to linger;
No way to fool security guards,
So relax and give them the finger.
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)
"Trap-Jaw Ant's Bite Sets Record"
A Costa Rican bug wins entomologists' applause;
Among all critters, this one's got the fastest-working jaws.
All hail the little trap-jaw ant, Odontomachus bauri --
Who, by himself, could out-jaw Oprah, Doctor Phil and Maury!
"A Fuel-Good Story at Summer's End"
Thank Zeus that gas is going down,
I'm feeling mighty fine.
But who'd a-thunk I'd feel this good
To pay $2.99?
(Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
"The President and His Critics Mark Anniversary Along Coast"
Votes from the delta
(An op for the press).
"George, where's the levy
To fix up this mess?"
(Bob Dvorak, Saugerties, N.Y.)
"Karr Won't Be Charged in Death of JonBenet"
John Mark Karr said "Yes yes yes!
I killed the moppet! I confess!"
Now John Karr does naught but pout;
His DNA done ruled him out.
(Mae Scanlan, Washington)
"Polygamist Is Arrested in Nevada"
That Jeffs guy always gets the girl
And, like his name, prefers her plural.
(Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, where people tend to talk like this)