109th Congress Gets Props for Creativity, if Nothing Else

Democrats have a full slate of proposals they would implement if they gain control of Congress in November, but one of their highest priorities will be the acquisition of a new ink pad.

House and Senate Democratic leaders met yesterday to highlight what they call the GOP "Rubber-Stamp Congress" -- by stamping half a dozen posters with the words "Yes, Bush" in red ink. But when they went to perform the deed, in an ornate room off the Senate floor where portraits of John Adams and Thomas Jefferson gazed down on them, there was a prop malfunction.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (Calif.) attempted to stamp a poster labeled "Social Security Privatization," but the resulting imprint was too faint to read. "I need more ink!" she called. "I need more ink!" She got more ink and tried again, stamping a poster titled "Medicare Part D" -- and got the same illegible result.

Senate Minority Whip Richard Durbin (Ill.) stepped up. "It's time to see if I can get this rubber stamp to work," he said. He could not. His first stamp, on a poster titled "Budget Cuts," came out upside down. Inverting the stamp, he struck the poster anew, this time knocking it off its easel.

"These are tough acts to follow," quipped Rep. Steny Hoyer (Md.), the House minority whip. He held a poster titled "Estate Tax Giveaway" and slammed the stamp on it with all his might. A blurred image appeared.

Batting cleanup was Rep. James Clyburn (S.C.). "I'm gonna make this thing work," he promised. He gave the stamp an extra dab on the ink pad and pressed it firmly to the final poster. But one of the letters failed to appear, leaving the words "Yes, Bus" on the poster.

Durbin promised that the Senate will get better ink pads if Democrats regain the majority. "In the first hundred days," he vowed.

There are just a couple of days left in the life of the 109th Congress, and lawmakers are getting a bit punch-drunk.

The legislature has yet to agree on a single one of its 12 annual spending bills, but the House managed to find time yesterday to consider H. Res. 748, "Recognizing the 225th anniversary of the American and French victory at Yorktown."

Congress still hasn't worked out immigration legislation or lobbying reform, but the House yesterday moved to embrace H. Res. 991, "Congratulating the Columbus Northern Little League Baseball Team from Columbus, Georgia."

There's nothing doing on port security or Social Security, but there was broad agreement yesterday on H. Res 973, honoring "the financial planning profession for their adherence and dedication to the financial planning process."

Measured by days in session or legislative output, this Congress has secured its place as one of the most lethargic of all time. But if historians choose to award points for creativity, the 109th could go down in the books as a most prolific body.