From 'Napoleon' to Waterloo

Jon Heder Is an Unlovable Loser In 'School for Scoundrels'

Quick pop culture test -- are you ready? He wears padded boots, tight jeans and a Vote for Pedro pin. His mouth sags open, his hair's a copper Brillo pad, he keeps numchuks in his school locker . . .

If you say, " D uh , Napoleon Dynamite," you win a collectible Napoleon doll and flip book showing his hilarious dance routine at the end of the 2004 movie of the same name. But you are also guaranteed to miss him big in "School for Scoundrels," in which Jon Heder (our Napoleon!) now plays a hapless meter maid in need of a manly makeover.

Gone are the Coke-bottle glasses that gave Napoleon his magnified, puzzled goldfish eyes. Gone, too, is the goofy serenity that made his cultish alter ego into an otherworldly Everyman. What we get instead is Roger, a mopey loser whose infatuation with an attractive neighbor, Amanda (Jacinda Barrett), prompts him to sign up for assertiveness class.

There, Roger finds himself under the thumb of Dr. P. (Billy Bob Thornton), whose tough-love system of verbal intimidation and paintball battles (sans padded protection) is designed to turn nerds into gimlet-eyed lions, capable of seducing women and staring down bullies.

Director Todd Phillips based his screenplay on 1960's "School for Scoundrels, or How to Win Without Actually Cheating," an oddly dark British caper in which a rather sepulchral Alastair Sim teaches hapless charges how to conquer women with cynical manipulation. Seen today, the film is a terribly outmoded affair that (assuming anyone feels compelled to remake it in the first place) cries out for imaginative updating, focusing perhaps on the perils of old-style manhood in today's minefield of political correctness.

But Phillips and co-writer Scot Armstrong never rise to that postmodern challenge. They opt instead for a nondescript revenge comedy in which Roger organizes a convoluted comeuppance for Dr. P after the instructor takes too much of a shine to Amanda. The new movie is bereft of any real focus or provocative ideas, which is a surprising result from Phillips, the maker of "Road Trip" and "Old School" -- comedies in which the dumber qualities of the male animal were laid bare with brazen, revelatory hilarity.

The battle of one-upmanship between Roger and Dr. P -- not particularly compelling in the British original, either -- amounts to a mismatch for the audience. Hopelessly miscast as a romantic figure, Heder remains steadfastly unappealing in the role of Roger. With the exception of one scene -- in which Roger turns a tennis match with Dr. P into crotch-specific target practice -- Heder never shows the charisma that lit up "Napoleon Dynamite."

Clearly enamored of the endearing brand of drawly sarcasm for which Thornton has become known, the filmmakers aren't sure whether to paint Dr. P as an uncompromising villain or a mischievous teddy bear. The upshot is that Dr. P's most menacing aspect is Thornton's rather obvious hairpiece.

It would have helped matters, at least a little, if the two men were fighting over a woman worthy of anyone's attention. But Barrett's Amanda is a gullible saint, apparently incapable of seeing through Dr. P's subterfuge. It seems, alas, she deserves him. Joining the list of disappointing performers are Michael Clarke Duncan as Dr. P's assistant Lesher, who has secret rapacious desires for the male students -- a questionable comic conceit -- and Sarah Silverman, who's resigned to snarky rejoinders as Amanda's sarcastic roommate.

In the wake of the extraordinary cultish success of "Napoleon Dynamite" -- whose utterances and routines have become the imitative exchanges of a generation -- it's understandable that Heder is anxious to branch into something different. So far, he hasn't been particularly successful, as shown by a slew of disappointing roles in "Just Like Heaven," "The Benchwarmers" and now "School for Scoundrels." Clearly, it's going to take something more transformative than any of these movies to shake off the ghost of Napoleon.

School for Scoundrels (102 minutes, at area theaters) is rated PG-13 for profanity, vulgarity, sexual content and violence.