Borat, Kazakhstan's Mighty Faux

By Amy Argetsinger and Roxanne Roberts
Friday, September 29, 2006

The president of Kazakhstan came to town yesterday, and a massive press scrum fought for toeholds outside the country's embassy, where a grand new statue symbolizing Kazakh independence -- a warrior holding a falcon standing on the back of a fierce winged cat -- had just been unveiled.

But, no, of course that's not why we were there. That's not why any of the 50 or so journalists were there. We were there for Borat .

Or rather, Sacha Baron Cohen , the British comic who performs in the gonzo, deadpan, taking-the-joke-almost-too-far tradition of Andy Kaufman and Peter Sellers . He plays many made-up characters on his HBO series "Da Ali G Show," but few that have struck a nerve like that of Borat Sagdiyev -- an anti-Semitic, oversexed Kazakh journalist who spins tales about the national sport of killing dogs and the practice of keeping women in cages -- much to the continuing dismay of the Kazakh government. In a brilliant stunt to promote his movie "Borat" (opening next month), Baron Cohen held a guerrilla news conference outside the embassy at 16th and O streets NW -- without ever breaking character.

He began by waving an actual four-page advertisement that the former Soviet republic placed in yesterday's New York Times touting its sophisticated culture, religious tolerance and gender equality.

"These are disgusting fabrications!" he said in a thick, ambiguously foreign accent. They're perpetrated by "evil nitwits" from neighboring Uzbekistan "who, as we all know, are a very nosy people with a bone in the middle of their brain."

He called out Kazakh Embassy spokesman Roman Vassilenko as "an Uzbek impostor" ("pliz do not listen to him") and threatened to attack Uzbekistan "with our catapults." Anyone, he added, "who claims we do not drink fermented horse's urine, do not have death penalty for baking bagels," is lying.

Or something like that -- it was hard to hear over the chortles of the news camera guys.

He concluded: "I must now return to my embassy where I have talks with my government." But security guards had already emerged from the compound to close the wrought-iron gate. He turned around: "Which direction is the White House?"

And suddenly, 50 journalists were on a crazed three-quarter-mile sprint down 16th Street, trying to keep up with the lanky, fast-moving fake Kazakh, desperate not to miss anything that might happen in this big fake event. One camera guy tumbled to the sidewalk in the crush.

ABC News senior national correspondent Jake Tapper maneuvered his way to Baron Cohen's side just as the comic gazed on Scott Circle and asked again for directions. "The White House? It's this way," Tapper said. Then, to his camera guy: "Did you get that?"

Get what? Is this really news? No time to challenge him on that, as we had to catch up with this fictional character.

We ran through Lafayette Square. Baron Cohen rang a buzzer at the White House gate.

"I like to give Premier Bush an invitation to see a screening of my film," he told the officer who approached.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Eh, no so much." But he conveyed the rest of the invitation through the gate: Friday night screening, with cocktails and conversation about U.S.-Kazakh relations to follow at Hooters. "Thenk you." And then he climbed into the back of a black SUV and drove away.

No one answered our repeated calls to the Kazakh Embassy.

Take Our Local Celebrities. Please.

Highlights from the 13th annual "Funniest Celebrity in Washington" fundraiser Wednesday at the Improv:

· CNN Pentagon correspondent Jamie McIntyre (third-place winner), as a husband parrying his wife's questions in Don Rumsfeld "accountability avoidance" style: "Am I home late? It's unknowable. Was I out cavorting with women? Life is untidy. . . ."

· Former Republican National Committee chairman Ed Gillespie and Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) getting heckled by their own "Crossfire" dummies (winning second place). Kucinich: "Like most politicians, I've wanted to run for president in the worst way." His dummy: "Well, you did!"

· The winner, Rep. Linda Sanchez (D-Calif.): "The Republicans are getting a little carried away on immigration. They just built a 200-mile wall around my office. . . . The Republican flacks are so good, I'm scared to death of my little brown mother. She called me last week and told me she wanted to drop off some food, but she wasn't fooling me. I knew she was going to steal my stereo."

Dad: How Dare They Let Fantasia Say That!

They're singing the blues about "Fantasia: Life Is Not a Fairy Tale," the best-selling autobiography and TV movie by the "American Idol" winner. Her father, Joseph Barrino , filed a $10 million lawsuit against the publisher this week, claiming the book is full of "malicious untruths." But he's not blaming his daughter. Though she's listed as the author of the book, it was ghostwritten because the singer is functionally illiterate. "We don't understand how Mr. Barrino considers Simon & Schuster rather than his daughter responsible for the book's content," said S&S spokesman Adam Rothberg .

Meanwhile, ghostwriter Kim Green , who was paid $45,000 for the job, tells Radar's online site she didn't get enough credit, had no role in the making of the Lifetime movie based on the book, and even had to pay for her own ticket to a Fantasia concert recently. "I just think it's a terrible statement about the entertainment business," Green complained.

HEY, ISN'T THAT . . . ?

Redskins defensive linemen Demetric Evans, Joe Salave'a and Renaldo Wynn at the Big Apple Circus Wednesday night. The three big guys sat in the front row with their families under the big top at Dulles Town Center, and went unnoticed until one of the clowns dragged Evans and his fiancee, Aungel , into the ring for some conga. Everyone in the party received a red foam nose.