The News Can Always Be Verse
Friday, October 13, 2006; 6:36 PM
Congressman Foley's lewd
IMs to youngsters show
He's quite the louse.
No one's applauding, but
This sleazeball's conduct might
Bring down the House.
- - -
Satire's best when the facts are so cool
That you needn't exaggerate stuff.
Such was the case when the
pope, in a school
Put the Islamic world in a huff.
"How dare he imply that we're
Muslim leaders cried out in one breath.
He'd better apologize, say he misspoke
Or face rioting, bombing, and death.
- - -
Was It Allen Good Faith?
Senator George from the state of Virginia
Is now in the midst of a terrible din
'Cause it looks like he judges you not by
what's in ya
But by your ethnicity (color of skin).
Calling a swarthy young man a "macaca"
Proved bad when it turned out the word was a smear.
So, whining a bit, like the Wookiee Chewbacca,
Georgie apologized, sounding sincere.
But then he was asked if he might be part Jewish --
Did his family ever engage in conversions?
He answered with anger and, turning quite bluish,
Alleged that the question was "casting aspersions."
So now he's embracing his Hebraic roots
Fearing the fallout this cultural bomb'll cause.
Maybe next week he'll start wearing long suits
And sidelocks and beards and fancy new yarmulkes.
The Torment of George
Bush, known as W,
Tough to the core!
Manages ably to
Torture the language and
Prisoners of war.
- - -
I bet you guys are thinking
There's one fire I won't fan:
No poem can withstand the name
Of the leader of Iran.
It's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad!
There, I wrote it! Okay, fine!
(Alas, I put the name
In the not-for-rhyming line.)
Let's take a shot, see what I've got:
I fear this next line's doomed to fail
Like some TV spinach ad.
Okay, that was pretty weak
The situation's getting dire.
There's got to be a solid rhyme
For this Holocaust denier.
Wait -- maybe that's the very key!
By Jews, this man is cursed.
Who cares that he denies, they say . . .
If we deny him first:
- - -
A Hatful of Mistakes
Remember the anthrax scare back in oh-two
And the way that the government tried to construe
The facts so they fingered one man (and we bought it):
The stuff was so pure that an expert had wrought it.
'Twas a Maryland chemist the government chose --
They trailed him so close they ran over his toes!
They put out his name so that everyone knew it
But now, um, it looks like they totally blew it.
The anthrax, it seems, is quite easy to find
No expert was needed. A man was maligned.
So I'd like to wish Steven J. Hatfill good health.
(I'm thinkin' he'll soon have no problems with wealth.)
- - -
Regarding a New Report Saying the War in Iraq Has Increased, not Decreased, Islamic Extremism
Our fight against terror
Might be in error.
Gene Weingarten's e-mail address is firstname.lastname@example.org.
Chat with him online Tuesdays at noon.