A Little Long in the Jeans
Exasperated, I'm telling my friend B.K. that if she really wants me to help hip-ify her life, she should cooperate. "I never asked you to do anything," she says, standing before me in this hip store holding a stack of way overly hip (for our age) jeans.
"You're the one who said you wanted to go jeans shopping," I say.
"I never said anything about needing help getting hip," she says.
Exactly. Do the unhip ever have a clue that they are not hip? Hipness is a conscious decision, a noticing. Hipness requires action, sometimes even intervention, as is the case here. For years now, I've known that B.K. wears her jeans too short. The situation is not rectifying itself. I am here to rectify and hip-ify. Here I come to save the day.
"How do we know that you're hipper than I am?" she asks, ridiculously.
"I just saw a TV show all about this," I tell her. Specifically a show about women finding age-appropriate jeans. "Did you just see a TV show about it?"
"No," she says.
Ahem. Then let us proceed. I flip through the stack of jeans she has chosen to try on. "Sweetie, we can't do studs," I point out.
"We're too old for studs and too old for rips," I say. "Got that? Now take these out of my sight."
"Look, I just want some jeans," she says. "You're the one who said I should go fashion-forward."
"There's forward, and then there's overboard," I explain. "Overboard is when you walk out of your house one day feeling exactly as you felt that day in eighth grade when you went to school wearing that red, white and blue belt with the long, red suede fringe hanging down, down, down all the way to your left ankle."