The Last Flight Out

By Art Buchwald
Thursday, October 19, 2006

Ihave been at Dulles Airport for six months waiting to take a plane to Heaven.

Every day the airline has another excuse why I can't go -- bad weather, overbooking, the plane is grounded in Miami, mechanical trouble, de-icing.

I went up to the counter and asked the lady, "What's the latest story about getting to Heaven?"

She looked in her computer. "What's the hurry?" she asked.

I said, "Once you know you're going on a trip, you pack all your clothes, you say goodbye to friends and family, and you want to go when you said you were going."

The agent replied, "Once we get all our regular passengers on board, we'll start loading the standbys."

"Why are the planes so full?" I asked.

She said, "Heaven is still one of the most popular places to go. I haven't been there myself, but I know a lot of people who have and I hear it's great. For many, it's a religious experience."

Then I asked her, "When you go, will you fly on an employee pass?"

"No one flies to Heaven free, but when the time comes, we are allowed to go first class."

"I thought everyone went first class," I said.

The lady looked at her computer again. She assigned me a seat.

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