Empty Nests Clear Way for Big Changes

For California resident Susan Swartz, the right time was immediately after the youngest of her three daughters, now in her early 30s, went to college. "I had this picture in my head of parents waving goodbye in the same place in the same driveway for each child and didn't want to be that image," said Swartz, a newspaper columnist for the Santa Rosa Press Democrat and author of "The Juicy Tomatoes Guide to Ripe Living after 50" (New Harbinger Publications, 2006). She and her husband sold their home and moved to Germany for two years, then returned and bought a different house.

Experts say that, ideally, empty nesters should wait about a year before doing any major remodeling. "Give yourself time to adjust to the quiet house and empty rooms," said Jeanine Herrin, founder of http://www.emptynestmoms.com/ , an online support group for mothers.

Moving away too quickly has its downside, too. Don't underestimate the emotional support and friendship that can be provided by neighbors you have known for many years, said author Shaffer. That support may be hard to duplicate in a new community.

And remember that college kids -- especially freshmen -- tend to spend much of their vacation time at home and like the familiar territory. "With children experiencing so many changes in their own lives, they need to feel that they are still welcome at home and have a sense of stability and belonging," said Mary Ann Froelich, author of "When You're Facing the Empty Nest: Avoiding Midlife Meltdown When Your Child Leaves Home" (Bethany House Publishers, 2005). "Home is the anchor."

Once you are ready to change your living space or move to a new place, consider the dreams you would like to fulfill, suggested Caine of Empty Nest Support Services. Have you always wanted to live by the water, at a ski resort, in a college town? Have you always wished you could open a bed and breakfast? Have you longed for an art studio in your house? Do you want a house that will be big enough, as the Cochrans' home is, for your children and future grandchildren to gather for holiday celebrations?

Also, weigh the type of neighborhood you would like. Do you want to live primarily around adults? Do you want a place teeming with kids who will come to your doorstep on Halloween?

"There are a whole range of community options for this new chapter in your life," Swartz said.

Factor in what you think your children's intentions might be, she suggested. Ask yourself, "What are the chances that the kids will make it on their own or are they likely to come back and live at home? Do we have a place where at least one child could move back and have a bedroom if they have to?"

When thinking about these issues and making choices about where and how to live, empty nesters need not give their kids a vote. "Parents spend an inordinate number of hours investing in kids' lives and that is how it should be, but I look at this as a time for parents to shift into decision-making that is parent-centered, not kid-centered," Shaffer said.

That doesn't mean the offspring will dislike the outcome. Consider the Zweigs, whose three children thought their parents would never move from Bethesda. "They are thrilled" about the new townhouse in Rockville, Phyllis said. "My son loves that he can walk just four blocks to the Metro and my daughters love waking up on a Sunday morning when they visit and walking a block and a half to Safeway to get brunch."