The Zeitgeist Checklist
TET FOR TAT Last week: 4 Weeks on list: 17
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1Iraq. The violence intensifies, a phrase that is now F9 on the Zeitgeist Checklist's keyboard. Bush administration officials secretly prepare to Adapt and Adjust, or Redeploy and Reconfigure, or whatever it is they're calling Cut and Run these days. The president compares the crisis to the Tet Offensive, but still rejects larger Vietnam analogies. He's right: In Vietnam, only half the country hated us.
WELDON! Last week: 1 Weeks on list: 6
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2 Republicans. Despite awful poll numbers, the party accentuates the positive; only one GOP lawmaker, Rep. Curt Weldon (Pa.), was raided by the FBI last week. White House aides are not even allowed to discuss the possibility of losing Congress, which makes sense; they're too busy planning their Social Security reform bill-signing ceremony and breaking ground on the Jenna Bush Presidential Library to worry about crazy hypotheticals.
FALLOUT Last week: 2 Weeks on list: 3
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3 North Korea. The fallout continues from Kim Jong Il's recent nuclear test. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice announces that America won't tolerate provocative actions against its Asian allies, while Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld orders his generals to draw up plans for an invasion of Bhutan.
OFF MASSAGE Last week: 3 Weeks on list: 3
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4Page-gate. A priest admits that he gave a teenage Mark Foley nude massages in the 1960s, although he says it didn't seem wrong at the time. Neither did LSD, Vietnam or Jefferson Airplane, but we know better now, don't we? Meanwhile, as rumors swirl about a third representative with a page problem, R. Kelly files papers to run for Congress.
PREVENT DEFENSE Last week: -- Weeks on list: 1
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5Homeland Security. Counterterrorism officials dismiss an Internet warning of "dirty bombs" in seven football stadiums, and urge all Americans to continue going about their business. A nation of patriotic fans vows to continue to gorge on beer and stale nachos, while the Redskins vow to continue to stink.
MANILOW TUNES ARE STILL BEYOND THE PALE Last week: -- Weeks on list: 1
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6War on Terrorism. President Bush signs a bill allowing interrogators to use "coercive techniques," but not torture. According to military law experts, waterboarding is torture, but forcing detainees to watch the Redskins is merely a coercive technique. The bill passed with overwhelming Republican support, although Mark Foley, speaking from Guantanamo Bay, says he now regrets his vote.
