The Muck Starts Here

By Art Buchwald
Thursday, November 2, 2006

The day after the elections, you can look in your trash cans and find all the negative political TV ads.

The Smear and Dirty Production Co. produced most of them.

I went to their studio under the Whitehurst Freeway in Georgetown. Everyone was working on political campaign ads.

Horace Mud, the president of the company said, "I'll be with you in a few minutes. We have to deliver these commercials before Election Day."

"I assume by your name that you specialize in smear commercials," I said.

"That is the only kind we do. We provide dirty TV spots to anyone who can afford them. That means the Republican and Democratic parties, as well as their supporters. We only have a few more days before the election to attack someone's character. We are selling character assassination."

I said, "Have I seen your commercials?"

He said, "If you live in Virginia you couldn't miss them. We're the ones who claimed Jim Webb wrote pornographic novels."

I said, "You didn't mention Senator George Allen's name in the commercial."

He replied, "In many cases it is better not to use the opponent's name. The viewer enjoys being in on the joke."

"What is the dirtiest commercial you've produced that could win you an Emmy?"

"The Harold Ford Jr. one. It says Ford goes to Playboy clubs, and at the end shows a blonde winking at Ford, who is African American. When Ford demanded it be withdrawn, and the Democrats said the ad went over the line, we knew we had a winner."

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