Sold on Democracy

By Art Buchwald
Tuesday, November 7, 2006

To make sure our elections are fair, observers from democratic countries are monitoring the process.

They are spread throughout the country -- Iraq went south, Afghanistan went north and Iran went west.

They report back to their governments.

Here are Iraq's observations:

"So far the American election is honest, or as honest as elections can be, considering how many billions of dollars were spent. The turnout is low because everyone here is mad at Congress.

"The candidates come from two tribes, the Democratic and Republican parties. They are financed by lobbyists who want to make sure the candidates know what is good for the people.

"Television is very important here. The candidates call each other bad names, just like our Sunnis and Shiites back home.

"In some states they have voting machines, and in some states they don't. When they don't work, the ballots have to be counted by hand. This is why President Bush won in Florida.

"It is very interesting, but here they have exit polls, and anyone can ask how citizens voted.

"I went to Akron, Ohio. I asked one man how he voted and he said, 'They all lie, so I chose someone I thought lied less.'

"A lady told reporters, 'I couldn't stand Bush's Iraq policies. I don't want my daughter to die in Baghdad.'

"The lady didn't know I come from Iraq. Several other people came out of the polls and said Iraq was the reason they voted for the Democratic Party.

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