The Zeitgeist Checklist By MICHAEL GRUNWALD
CATCH THE WAVE Last week: 2 Weeks on list: 7
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1. Democrats. The permanent Republican majority that Karl Rove announced in 2004 turns out to be as permanent as Britney and K-Fed. Now Nancy Pelosi is set to be the first woman to lead the House, and Harry Reid the first inanimate object to lead the Senate. The Democratic wave made congressmen out of obscurities such as Heath Shuler, a former Redskins quarterback, and John Hall, a former Orleans front man. If the war in Iraq drags on much longer, we might see Gus Frerotte and Wang Chung in the House.
JUST BACK OFF Last week: -- Weeks on list: 1
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2. White House. President Bush ousts Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, who blames Americans for failing to comprehend the complexities of Iraq. This calls for a joke, but the Zeitgeist Checklist's brain just exploded. In his post-election news conference, Bush also calls for a new era of bipartisan cooperation, and vows to reach out to Democrats. Giggling uncontrollably, he then calls for a new era of sacrifice by America's wealthiest citizens, and vows to reach out to that pretzel that nearly choked him to death.
OY VEY! Last week: -- Weeks on list: 1
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3. Virginia. Sen. George Allen, who expected to win the presidency in 2008, will be unemployed in 2007, after he spares the nation another recount by conceding to Democrat James Webb. Allen blames his defeat on "macaca," Iraq and the current unpopularity of faux-cowboy politicians, but mostly on anti-Semitism. Analysts believe that the electorate's tolerance for Webb's raunchy novels proves that Virginia really is trending blue.
RECRIMINATION NATION Last week: 1 Weeks on list: 9
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4. Republicans. Rumsfeld and House Speaker Dennis Hastert are the first victims of the finger-pointing frenzy, as the stunned GOP tries to figure out how it lost to the Bad News Bears of American politics. Many Republicans want to return to their small-government roots and get serious about cutting spending, starting with the Diebold contract.
AND DON KING SUPPORTS OUR OPPONENTS! Last week: -- Weeks on list: 1
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5. Maryland. Democrats demand an investigation after Republicans hire homeless men to distribute fliers to blacks claiming that Gov. Robert Ehrlich and Senate candidate Michael Steele were endorsed by Kweisi Mfume, Oprah Winfrey and the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. But Ehrlich still lost, and so did Steele, which means that Ben Cardin will be the most colorful Maryland senator since whoever that guy is he's replacing.
THE REDSKINS ARE COMMITTED TO WINNING, TOO Last week: 3 Weeks on list: 20
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6. Iraq. Pelosi says the Democratic landslide proves that Americans want a new direction in Iraq. But after firing Rumsfeld, Bush insists that Americans are still committed to winning the war. Well, that would be a new direction.
