Firing Lines

By Art Buchwald
Tuesday, November 14, 2006

We know that Donald Rumsfeld resigned. We know it was in the Oval Office the morning after the elections. Only Bush and Rummy were there, so although we know exactly where the historic moment took place, we don't know how Bush broke the news.

Here's what we think was said:

"Don, we're cutting back on Pentagon spending and we're doing away with the secretary of defense."

"Mr. President, as you go to war, you go with the army you have and not the army you wish you had at a future date."

"Don, you should have told me three years ago what could happen, when it would have made more sense. I had political capital then, but I used it all up."

"I know what I thought I said, and if I didn't say it I was thinking it, which is the same as saying it."

"Don, did you know a low voter turnout meant fewer people going to the polls?"

"I didn't know that. That means the Democrats got more votes than we did."

"That's what I have a brain trust for. The only thing the brain trust is sure of is that they're going to hang Saddam Hussein in the morning, or as soon as they get the scaffold built.

"Every nation in every region of the globe has a decision to make. Are you with us or with the terrorists?

"If you are with us, we will sell you the weapons you need to win the war. If you are against us, you'll have to buy your weapons on the black market.

"Don, it is easier to get into a battle than it is to get out of one. That's why I made you secretary of defense -- and that's why I'm firing you."

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