By Libby Copeland
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, November 16, 2006; C01
Whatever happens on the Hill today -- whether House Democrats vote to install Steny Hoyer or John Murtha as their new majority leader -- the folks at the top of the House's new party in power may need a little help.
After all, there are few more public disagreements than the sort that has gone on this week within the Democratic Party over who should be Speaker-designate Nancy Pelosi's number two. Hoyer thought he had the votes he needed to win the leadership post but Pelosi intervened with an endorsement of her buddy, Murtha. The Pelosi-Hoyer relationship has been somewhat tense in recent years.
Whoever wins, they're all going to need to find some way to work together, because nobody's going anywhere soon.
They will need some kind of referee -- the sort of pragmatic, dark-suited creature you find gliding through the halls of massive American corporations.
They'll need a workplace coach.
"I'd get them in the room and say, 'Okay, people, we've got a bad situation,' " says one of these workplace coaches, Douglas LaBier. " 'Let's take a step back.' "
Imagine it: Nancy, Steny and Jack in what LaBier calls a "safe environment." We see a room with lots of couches. There might be some talk about common goals and "trust," LaBier says. There might be a little yelling. We imagine one of them might, in a fit of frustration, bite a corduroy pillow.
This may sound fanciful, but consider that Fortune 500 types are sometimes reduced to this sort of thing. Just because one has a brisk, professional appearance does not mean one is immune from the uglier human emotions. Heather Bradley, who co-founded something called the Flourishing Company, said she once had a "four-hour discovery session" with two feuding top-level executives. (Workplace coaches are fond of a particular sort of lingo; they talk about "discovery sessions" and about "sub-optimizing" and being "change-agnostic.")
"We got down to some very raw emotions," Bradley says. "The irony of this is there was a time when they greatly respected each other." Bradley describes the executives as "both very wistful" about how they used to get along.
LaBier coached a division head who was always battling with his company's CFO. After some sessions, the division head concluded he needed to face the problem head-on.
"He walks into the guy's office and shuts the door behind him and he said, 'You and I both know we don't like each other,' " LaBier says. They decided to focus on their common goals. And things got better!
Hoyer and Pelosi might benefit from such a clearing of the air. Might they, too, not feel wistful for a more harmonious past? Once upon a time, more than 40 years ago, they interned together on the Hill, and they were once spotted salsa dancing together. But back in 2001, they competed for the same gig as minority whip, and that has reportedly strained their relationship. (Pelosi won.)
To move past public disagreements requires a certain openness and humility, Bradley says: "A huge part of it is checking your ego at the door."
That should be no problem for our elected officials.
Whoever becomes Pelosi's number two may need to discover the art of what Manhattan psychiatrist Jeffrey P. Kahn calls "managing upwards." In a business setting, this may mean playing golf with your boss and letting her win. In a congressional setting, this may mean withdrawing your favorite provision from the omnibus bill.
And Pelosi herself will need to exert her authority, the workplace coaches say.
It's "not all that different from dynamics in families," says Michael Stadter, a psychologist and organizational consultant in Bethesda. If two people at the top are feuding or advancing different agendas, those beneath them will be confused about whom to follow.
"Like with parents," Stadter says. "If dad won't say yes to me, then I'll go to mom."
