Partying Is Such Sweet Sorrow

Tales of holiday office gatherings gone bad

TRINA RAND WAS ALL DECKED OUT, husband in tow, at her new employer's annual holiday party. The formal, sit-down dinner for the employees of the international economic consulting firm was being held in a private room at the swanky downtown restaurant Galileo, and Trina was excited. This was much grander than other holiday parties she had been to when she worked for a laid-back nonprofit.

After eating and socializing, the attendees started to play the annual company gift exchange game. Each employee brought a gift and then was called to the front of the room to pick up another one of the wrapped packages. Before unwrapping it, that person had to try to guess what was in the package, or could trade it for an already unwrapped package.

When it was Trina's turn, she made her way to the front to pick her gift. Her husband, "an outgoing and oft-irreverent South African" who'd had a few drinks, took that moment to shout out, "I hope it's lubricant!"

The party stopped, and all Trina's new co-workers and bosses fell silent. Trina says she "wanted to melt into the carpet." After what seemed like an eternity, the crowd began to giggle. Trina took her gift and assumed her career was ruined. "The Washington corporate world tends to be a little different than everywhere else," she says. Her husband didn't get that so much. "He was like, 'Whatever. People just need to chill.'"

It's six years later, and Trina is now an independent consultant but still working with her old employer. In fact, she attended a business dinner with her former co-workers not long ago. There, some of the consulting firm's newer hires were treated to the tale of her office party humiliation.

LOTS OF PEOPLE LOOK FORWARD TO THEIR ANNUAL OFFICE HOLIDAY PARTIES. They get to hang out with their favorite co-workers, chat with higher-ups they never knew and meet colleagues they haven't talked to beyond "tnx" e-mails. Sometimes they even bond with a personality-challenged supervisor or an annoying cubicle mate.

For others, however, holiday office parties often are best enjoyed after the function is over, when, come Monday morning, the nation's office workers can rehash the detritus. If you've ever wondered: Yes, it's true. The big bosses really do talk about your performance at the party.

A former executive in the Northern Virginia technology industry admits that she and two other colleagues used to spend a few minutes holed up in one of their offices the Monday after the holiday party. To anyone passing by, they looked as though they were discussing serious matters. But what they were actually doing was quietly creating their very own Holiday Party Academy Awards: Most Indiscreet. Drunkest. Sluttiest Dresser.

"Did it hurt anyone's career?" this woman asked recently. "Oh, I don't know. Sometimes you don't know those things" until later.

But therein lies one of the big problems with the office holiday party. Your performance at this should-I-let-my-hair-down or stay-buttoned-up party matters. If you don't go, your boss might think you're not a "team player." You may also miss out on a chance to woo the big boss or hear a compliment that you might not collect in Cubicle-Land. But if you do go, management experts say, be careful.

"The advice I was given when I started working was: When you go to an office party, your job is to ensure that the next day you have a job," says Clay Parcells, a regional vice president with Right Management Consultants. So far, he has held onto his job. But he has heard plenty of tales of office parties run amok. Among his favorites: people who drank too much at the "dry" holiday party thrown (and subsequently shut down) by a Mormon boss, and employees who were caught smuggling bottles of wine out of a party. "People just act very weird," he says.

Randstad USA, a staffing organization, sends a memo to its employees every year as party season rolls around, and advises them to be professional at events within the organization and out in the community. "As a reminder, the celebration is a company-sponsored event, and as such, all company policies are in effect," the memo reads. "Party attire means no jeans. Encourage your teams to dress appropriately for a company-sponsored celebration!"