More Longtime Couples in France Prefer L'Amour Without Marriage

The tax breaks the French government offers married couples, which are not as substantial as U.S. marriage tax reductions, are not enough to persuade most cohabitating couples to formalize their relationships. In France, the greatest financial and tax incentives target the number of children a couple has rather than the parents' marital status.

A small but growing number of couples are taking advantage of a new law recognizing "civil partnerships," which provides for legal recognition of a couple but stops short of the entanglements of a marriage pact. And some couples have married after their children are grown, because although the law provides equal inheritance for children born in or out of wedlock, unwed partners are not automatically entitled to inherit property after the death of a companion.

Contrary to predictions three decades ago, when the marital downslide began, French family social structures have not disintegrated. Instead, society has accepted and embraced changing attitudes. French law stopped distinguishing between children born in or out of wedlock more than 30 years ago.

"Now it's not looked down upon," Folet said, settling onto a snow-white dining chair in her living room as a dozen flickering candles held off the dusk of a recent autumn evening. "You don't have any pressure."

Folet, the vivacious, brown-eyed daughter of parents who were restaurateurs, met Titouh, the striking, ebony-haired son of a grocery shop owner, as a teenager in the eastern Paris suburb of Bagnolet, where both families lived. They became friends, and friendship flowered into romance.

But Folet's family moved to Brittany in search of a more lucrative restaurant, and the teenage sweethearts separated. Unable to find a job after she graduated from high school, Folet returned to Paris in search of work.

Folet not only found work, but with the help of friends she reconnected with Titouh. After a few months, the two moved into a small apartment together. Nine years later, she became pregnant with their first child, Tom, now 6. Their daughter, Lola, is 2 1/2 .

"It was different for my parents," said Folet, who is model-thin and frequently flashes a warm smile that melts the sharp contours of her face. "You had to get married to have a child."

She looked up as Titouh, a wiry man with a thick stubble and eyes the color of rich coffee, arrived home -- apologetically late -- from his job as an engraver at an office stationery shop.

Lola, clutching a stuffed rabbit gray with wear, padded out of the bedroom and clambered onto his lap.

Titouh pondered the reasons that sociologists and other experts have offered for the decline of marriage: rejection of religion, a breakdown in society, a "me first" generation reluctant to make long-term commitments.

None of that is true, he said. He paused, then added slowly, "Well, for me, there is a rejection of religion."