Yearning to Be Whole Again

But war duty can be especially difficult for single parents. A year ago, Nishimura returned to the United States to face practical difficulties. Emotional issues. And unavoidable questions concerning her children: Will there be another deployment? What if a parent does not come back?

Home, but Still Apart

On a cool, dusky Saturday evening last November, her bus arrived at the red brick Maryland National Guard Armory in Towson. There were yellow ribbons and welcome-home banners. A crowd of supporters cheered and cried.

One soldier walked off the bus and kissed the ground.

Nishimura fell into the embrace of two friends who had come to meet her, but she felt disconnected from the emotion of the moment. Instead, she noticed a friend who had returned on the same bus -- and was now hugging her husband and son.

She wondered: When would she see her own children?

Before Iraq, Nishimura had worked as a teacher and cheerleading coach at a Christian school in Prince George's County. Her National Guard duty, with the 129th Signal Battalion, brought in extra money. Her ex-husband paid child support. Still, she only scraped by, with the help of public assistance.

Now her life was like a puzzle with missing pieces.

Her children -- Cheyenne, then 3; Dylan, then 6; and T.J., then 7 -- were in Hawaii, being cared for by their grandmother. Nishimura did not have the money to fly them back. She had no home for them, either, having long ago given up her apartment.

As she got off the bus, she could not help but dwell on one fact of timing: Christmas was 50 days away. Would they be together for the holiday?

She was heartened by a good lead on a full-time contracting job with the National Guard. But there was a glitch: It would mean relocating to Havre de Grace, Md., more than 90 miles from her home in Waldorf.

If she got the job, she had decided, the family would move there.

For the kids, the move to her mother's house in Hawaii had meant new schools, new friends and a new caregiver with a high-rise apartment and a full-time job. Nishimura's 3-year-old daughter seemed to have the toughest time, said grandmother Cynthia Nishimura. She cried at night and at day care.