Vt. Grieving Families Bond in War Video

Students Stephen Robitaille, front, and Amanda Benson work at a video editing station in Northfield, Vt., Thursday, Nov. 9, 2006. Almost a year ago a group of Norwich University students set out collect memories from family members of Vermonters killed in the nation's wars. The students are wrapping up their hour-long documentary, called "Vermont Fallen," but there was an unintended benefit: It helped bring together the families of Vermonters who died in the streets of Fallujah, or Ramadi, on an Iraqi roadside, a remote Afghan plain or the Kuwaiti desert. (AP Photo/Toby Talbot) (Toby Talbot - AP)

"You raise a child up 18 years, 20 years, 22 years whatever the case may be. As a parent it's your job to protect them no matter what, even though it's out of your control," said Alan Bean Sr., of Bridport, whose son was killed in a mortar attack in May 2004 in Iraq. "I went through the same thing. If I hadn't had the discussions about him joining the military, he might be here today."

The project also gave the students an intimacy with the grief that the families share.

"It's a class, but when you're doing something like this it's not a burden," said Paul Pimental, 23, a senior from Fall River, Mass.

"They are very respectful and extremely professional for such young people," Gray said of the students. "They are part of our family now. They are included in everything we do."

Gray said she contacted the university after seeing something about the project in the local newspaper. At first, many of the family members were reluctant to speak. Some were apprehensive after having bad experiences with the news media. Others didn't want to show to the public the depths of their grief.

After being interviewed, Gray started working with Estill to help persuade other families to participate.

In a conversation with one widow, Gray learned of a ceremony in Washington in May to commemorate American soldiers killed in action. She helped charter a bus for Vermont families.

"Without Norwich University we would have had a more difficult time coming together and forming this group," she said. "Norwich probably would not have been able to get all the families for this documentary. Both of us have been successful because of the other."

Gray said she hoped the families will remain close for the rest of their lives.

"They were the only group, even our relatives, well meaning neighbors didn't understand," she said. "You can't understand until you've been through this. There was no pretense of holding back anything. We could act and feel like ourselves."