Another Flat (Chested) Super Bowl Show

The Purple One once wore a see-through outfit at the MTV Video Music Awards. But that was in 1991, before he became a Jehovah's Witness. (By Kevork Djansezian -- Associated Press)

We have a trend:

For a third consecutive year, the network hosting the Super Bowl has gone with Safe, Old and For Gawdsake No Breasts! in its search for a halftime performer.

On Feb. 4, it'll be Prince on CBS, on the heels of last season's Rolling Stones on ABC and, before that, Sir Paul Bad-Taste-in-Women on Fox.

Not coincidentally, these three flat-chested blasts from the past followed the historic 2004 Super Bowl halftime show, broadcast on CBS, in which congressmen were blinded, FCC commissioners plotzed and little towheaded babes were doomed to lives of crime and debauchery when they caught a glimpse of an actual female breast.

Bad, bad breast!

On a brighter note, a new expression was added to the lexicon: wardrobe malfunction.

Granted, at 48, Prince is considerably younger than McCartney, 64, or Mick Jagger, 63.

And yes, he is the guy who famously wore those heinie-cutout yellow pants to the 1991 MTV Video Music Awards. Good times.

But since then, Prince has become a Jehovah's Witness and, for the past couple of years, has been sounding just like my parents.

Like in 2004 when, a few months after Justin Timberlake unveiled Janet Jackson's breast at that historic Super Bowl halftime show, Prince told Rolling Stone: "This culture is in big trouble. All you see on television are debased images. . . .

"You saw the Super Bowl. I don't even need to say anything more about that," he said, now on a roll.

"And who produced that?" he asked, rhetorically. (It was MTV Productions.) "That should tell you something right there," Prince said firmly, biting the hand that stroked him.

CBS has a lot riding on Prince, so to speak. The network is still haggling with the Feds over the price of Janet Jackson's right breast. Here in Washington, the Federal Communications Commission thinks the 9/16th -second long-distance peek was worth $550,000 --$27,500 for each of the CBS-owned TV stations. Over at CBS -- based in New York, where women's breasts apparently aren't held in such high regard -- they aren't buying that, and the network has challenged the fine in court.

The last thing CBS wants is to have to debate the cost of other body parts. Ditto salty language. The FCC hates salty language. Unless it's uttered by a World War II soldier, or an actor playing a World War II soldier. It's called the World War II Exemption. You can read all about it on the FCC's Web site.

The Rolling Stones were not World War II soldiers; nor did they play them during last year's Super Bowl halftime show. Which explains why Super Bowl host ABC turned down Jagger's mike while he was delivering some of the juicier bits in "Start Me Up."

In return for minding his P's and Q's (pants and quotes), Prince gets to perform in front of the largest TV audience of the year. Last year's Super Bowl averaged more than 91 million viewers.

For comparison, Prince also performed at last May's "American Idol" finale, which averaged 36.4 million viewers.

Grievously, MTV was not rated by Nielsen when Prince made his butt-baring 1991 Video Music Awards appearance, so we have no point of comparison there.