Question Celebrity

Rehab is no longer a dirty word. You need only have your publicist release a brief statement that paradoxically asks the public for support (read: Don't forget me while I'm gone) and privacy (read: Leave me alone). Some celebrities go to rehab two and three times and still emerge with their careers intact, enhanced even.

But for celebs such as Mel Gibson and Michael Richards, whose problems involve the mouth and mind, the rehab sphere can do only so much. Gibson, pulled over this past summer for drunken driving, let spew an anti-Semitic, misogynistic, maniacal tirade. Reviews and box-office tallies for his "Apocalypto" may be the best barometer of where he stands now, but I predict he'll still be in image arrears. He can get "help" for the drinking, but no rehab exists that could, in 30 days, 12-step him to less hateful beliefs. Richards, who will forever be Cosmo Kramer from "Seinfeld," whether he wants to be or not, immolated his career by repeatedly screaming racial slurs and making a reference to lynching after comedy club audience members heckled him. Richards's outburst happened to occur the same week as the release of more "Seinfeld" episodes on DVD, which was handy, since Jerry Seinfeld was going to be on "The Late Show With David Letterman" and could, via satellite, command Richards to appear for public contrition. But no amount of apologizing -- even if sincere -- can make those words go away.

What's needed is a new frontier in mental rehab. Someone such as Rush Limbaugh can use rehab for his painkiller addiction, but wouldn't it also be helpful if he could do a 15-day spa retreat to "work on" his recent insensitive remarks about Michael J. Fox's suffering from Parkinson's disease? What shall we call it . . . The Center for Deeper Understanding? I see it nestled in a pine forest in Colorado or Idaho, with private ski slopes and a top chef. I see day-long workshops in diversity, history and demographics. I see weepy group sessions populated with defeated politicians, loud-mouthed movie stars and snarky Comedy Centralians who went a step -- or several -- too far. I see publicists finally having the right answer for a public demanding more than "I'm sorry." Marketed the right way, mouth-and-mind rehab would have a very long waiting list indeed.

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