Some Free Advice On Making That 'Idol' Time Pay Off

An open letter on the occasion of the release of new albums by Taylor Hicks, Chris Daughtry and Fantasia.

Dear former "American Idol" contestant:

So, you made it through the soul-sucking, pop-culture death march otherwise known as an "American Idol" competition.

Congrats!

Now comes the tough part: prolonging your shelf life. You're probably asking yourself, "Why do some 'Idol' contestants go on to modestly successful careers, while others disappear faster than Britney Spears's panties?"

We've got some tips on how to temporarily stave off your inevitable future of memorabilia shows and car dealership openings (and that's for the winners). It's the least we can do, considering the several minutes of pleasure you've given us through the years.

Here's what to do:

1) Pick a genre.

Contestants who've chosen niche careers tend to do better than those who pursue mainstream pop stardom. Genre fans are more loyal, plus they expect less: Carrie Underwood has become a more relatable Faith Hill, Ruben Studdard has a not-at-all-embarrassing R&B career, and Taylor Hicks has whatever it is he does. Speaking of Taylor, his self-titled debut is goofy and dated, but the boy can sing. It's stuffed with mid-tempo blues-pop tracks of the "Why won't you respect me, girl, when I work both night and day?" variety, but somehow, it's still good. It lacks one killer "I'll Be"-style single, but you can't have everything.

And Taylor's cover of "Wherever I Lay My Hat"? Goosebumps.

Note: The sole exception to genre dictum is Kelly Clarkson, the Madonna of former "Idol" contestants. (See rule No. 2.)

2) Kelly Clarkson is the Madonna of former "Idol" contestants.