Crib Notes for 'Kids'
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After working hard all semester, you may want just to sleep and catch up with old friends. Nothing wrong with that-- provided you take away the "just." Experts say that focusing on your family some of the time will make the visit -- and your long-term relationship -- a lot happier. Give these tips the old college try:
· Give the gift of time. To avoid mismatched expectations, give your parents a heads-up on how you want to spend your vacation, and ask them what they hope to do. One idea: Invite the folks out for a latte early on to reconnect. "Think of some things you'd like to share with your parents about what you've learned or how you've grown," suggests author and consultant Helen Johnson. "If students took the initiative, their parents would be way impressed with their maturity and also very touched. . . . It would really take the pressure off the rest of the vacation."
· A thank-you: Priceless. Being financially dependent on your parents can be awkward, but you needn't worry that saying thanks has hidden costs. "Expressing gratefulness for support doesn't mean that students have to be under their parents' thumb," notes Johnson. "You can be grateful without feeling beholden. And a simple expression of gratitude is really appreciated."
· Win high marks even with low grades. If you haven't done well in school, say so; your parents likely will appreciate your honesty, notes author Marjorie Savage. "If students didn't do that well," she adds, "they may be a bit depressed. It would help parents if they understood why their child's in a bad mood."
· Give your break a break. If the vacation seems to feature more low points than high points, don't despair. Realize that this is a time of significant change in many areas of your life, so not all visits will be easy. "Know that what happens this time isn't necessarily what will happen next time," notes Savage. "Every visit will have its own flavor." Meanwhile, experts suggest, while you're working out how you want to be with your family and who you want to be in the world, be patient with yourself -- and with your parents.
-- Stacy Weiner
