For Parents: A Crash Course in Breaks
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Admit it: Since your daughter left for school, you've gotten used to less mess and more "me time." Now you're trying to regroup -- and reconnect. Here are a few tips for passing the holidays with high marks:
· Break out the BlackBerry. Don't just assume that your child will be available. Returning students often want to catch up with old friends, so it pays to discuss schedules in advance. To avoid feeling abandoned or ignored, make sure you've got plans of your own, suggests Helen Johnson, co-author of "Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years" (St. Martin's Press, 2000).
· Decide which rules still rule. Lots of parents contemplate the curfew question. Can your son come in whenever he wants as long as he's quiet? Do you want your daughter to tap you when she returns so you can sleep easier? Or should she just text-message you if she's staying out all night so you don't panic in the morning? Johnson suggests that you include your children in the decision-making process. Acknowledge -- and even applaud -- their budding independence, but let them know that you expect consideration for your feelings, too.
· Do some research.
Find out if there are any changes in your child you'd want to know about -- ideally before he or she arrives at your door. "The time to find out that your kid has gone vegan is not when you're serving the holiday dinner," cautions Marjorie Savage, author of the college-student parenting guide "You're on Your Own (But I'm Here if You Need Me)" (Simon and Schuster, 2003).
· Chill out.
Parents excited to have their kids back can sometimes come on a bit strong. "You may need to let the student take the first step," Savage says. "Your child needs to help figure out what this new relationship will be." And if they retreat a little, don't take it personally. They are going through "transitions that they need to deal with, and we want them to do that," she says. "We want them to figure out what's next for them."
-- Stacy Weiner
