Dad, Redefined

For poor families, welfare laws intended to stop fraud penalized a mother if a man was in her household; that had the unintended effect of driving men away, sociologists say. Rising homicide and incarceration rates among black men devastated entire neighborhoods -- almost one out of every two black men between 18 and 35 in the District is under court oversight, according to Bureau of Justice statistics and published criminal justice studies.

Today, federal statistics show that 69 percent of all black children are born to single mothers, more than twice the national average and almost triple the rate of whites. In Potomac Gardens, a public housing complex on Capitol Hill where virtually all residents are black, the president of the residents' association says that of the 208 families, 180 are headed by single moms. Some dads help out a lot, others not at all.

Somewhere along the line, a certain fatalism crept in.

"There's become an almost hyper-masculine, hypersexual idea of black men that has been embraced," says Pulitzer-winning columnist Leonard Pitts Jr., whose book "Becoming Dad" examined black fatherhood. "It probably has something to do with why we leave our children in higher numbers. The thinking is, 'I can't lose the game if I refuse to play the game.' If I'm sure that I can't provide for my family and put food on table and clothes in the closet, then I can say, 'I didn't care in the first place.' "

Forty years ago, people whispered phrases like "illegitimate children." Now you hear "baby-mama drama." "He's my baby's daddy." There came to be the idea that having kids was no problem, but marriage -- that was something you'd want to think about.

"Guys are doing what they learned at home," says Tony Dugger, an activist who works on fatherhood issues with the North Capitol Collaborative, a District nonprofit. "They care about their kids emotionally, but they don't see it as odd that they don't live with them. You can't tell them they're doing something wrong because their life experience tells them it's completely normal."

Lowered Expectations

What does a daddy do?

Zyhir -- the name's a variation of Zaire -- is sitting on his father's lap. He's wailing. A good, steady wwwwaaannnnhhh that could go for hours. Wagoner is bouncing the boy, his hands encircling his son's tiny rib cage, trying to soothe him. No effect. So Wagoner leans over, pulls a milk bottle from the crib, tilts the child back against the crook of his biceps, taps the nipple on Zyhir's lips.

That works.

On "Cold Case Files," a man who garroted his older female companion unwittingly gives himself away. "Little man, he just sent himself to jail," Wagoner says.

Dad and son, a morning of weekday television.

Mom is at work. Donné McDaniel clerks at a children's clothing store in a strip mall in Prince George's County for $8 an hour. She lives in a third-floor walk-up in Hyattsville with her mom and two brothers.