Page 2 of 2 <

He'd Better Watch Out!

Discussion Policy

Comments that include profanity or personal attacks or other inappropriate comments or material will be removed from the site. Additionally, entries that are unsigned or contain "signatures" by someone other than the actual author will be removed. Finally, we will take steps to block users who violate any of our posting standards, terms of use or privacy policies or any other policies governing this site. Please review the full rules governing commentaries and discussions. You are fully responsible for the content that you post.

9) We had already been reeling from the "60 Minutes" exposé showing that you have, at times, resorted to using a fake beard, but we became quite alarmed by the more recent revelation, apparently also a surprise to you, that your mother is Jewish. Obviously a delicate matter.

10) It is becoming impossible to keep a lid on news coverage of the ongoing protests outside your workshop by elves who want you removed from your position because, as they put it, "He's not elf enough."

In sum, we have multiple problems that have prompted us to rethink our long-term holiday business model. Thus, we hereby make you a one-time buyout offer with generous benefits, a pension and a commemorative plaque thanking you for your work. We ask only that you sign a binding noncompetitive agreement.

Also, we keep the sleigh.

Merry Christmas,

E. Scrooge,

Chief Executive Officer, Christmas Inc.

Read Joel Achenbach weekdays at washingtonpost.com/achenblog.

< 2