The Zeitgeist Checklist By MICHAEL Grunwald

6. Sports. Allen Iverson, the NBA's No. 2 scorer, joins No. 1 Carmelo Anthony on the Denver Nuggets. The two superstars both pledge to be team players, although for some reason their coach has started calling them "Eisner" and "Ovitz." Of course, Anthony was suspended after his team's recent brawl with the hapless New York Knicks, but he may be appealing. Incidentally, that was the first time during the Isiah Thomas Era that the words "appealing" and "Knicks" appeared in the same sentence.

AND THE DUI'S WERE MOSTLY NICOLE RICHIE Last week: -- Weeks on list: 1

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7. Crime. The FBI reports a nationwide increase in crime in the first six months of 2006, including a whopping 7 percent rise in robberies. However, the increase is only 4.2 percent if you exclude members of Congress and the Cincinnati Bengals.

THESE DAYS, IT'S ALWAYS MARCH Last week: 3 Weeks on list: 2

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8. Death. Turkmenistan's brutal dictator-for-life, Saparmurat Niyazov, is no longer dictator. He was best known for naming months after his friends and relatives, such as Sanguinary and Dismember. Not to be outdone, Bush plans to honor Vice President Cheney and former press secretary Ari Fleischer with the new months of Coronary and YouLie.

MEL GIBSON, CALL YOUR AGENT! Last week: -- Weeks on list: 1

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9. Books. Literatrix Judith Regan, after failing to publish O.J. Simpson's "If I Did It, Here's How," is fired after reportedly blaming a "Jewish cabal" at HarperCollins. She receives a sympathy card from Jimmy Carter, who blames a similar cabal at Simon & Schuster for rejecting the original title of his latest book, "Palestine: Jews Gone Wild."

YOU'RE TIRED Last week: -- Weeks on list: 1

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10. Celebrity. Donald Trump nearly fires Miss USA for partying too hard in New York, then announces he's changed his mind because he's "a believer in second chances." So are his creditors! But seriously, what New Yorker could have expected a 20-year-old beauty queen to hit the bars? What's next, a taxi driver failing to use his turn signal?

* RESURFACES IN ZEITGEIST AFTER AN ABSENCE.