The Gift of Gratitude

As you accept gifts this holiday, please keep in mind one of my favorite quotes from Ralph Waldo Emerson: "He is a good man who can receive a gift well."

I was reminded of Emerson's words, taken from his essay "Gifts," after receiving this note from a reader: "I read with interest your column on regifting. You did not discuss what I think is an important point. I would never dream of giving anyone a present he or she could not easily return (with the exception of cash or a store gift card). Here's my personal regifting horror story. Last year, the real estate agent who helped me find a new home gave me housewarming presents when I closed on the property consisting of a set of two knives (I don't cook and she had no reason to believe I did) and two candles with holders."

Okay, I get it. She received gifts she didn't like.

She went on to write: "None of these items was accompanied by a receipt (gift or otherwise), which was my first clue. I called the knife company and they told me my agent had actually received the knives as a gift herself. They were nice enough to allow me to return them, and they sent me a check. Total value: approximately $100. I have sinusitis and most scented candles bother me, so I went to return those to Pier 1. They had been purchased on clearance and all four were worth less than $20. Call me an ingrate if you wish, but this agent made $28,000 off me. Believe me, I would have appreciated it more if she had given me nothing at all rather than let me know how little I meant to her."

This is a regifting horror story?

Let's see. A real estate agent -- a professional the e-mailer hired who did her job and who was under no obligation to give her client anything -- presented this woman with an expensive set of knives (unused) and some nice candles and holders.

For this, the agent deserves a client's ire?

Perhaps I'm missing something and the person who wrote me has a right to be upset. I mean, everyone knows that some people buying homes with kitchens don't cook. How thoughtless of the agent to not figure that out. And the audacity of her giving candles and holders bought on sale. How horrible!

In response to my questioning of her regifting "horror" story, the reader said: "When I gift people who help me throughout the year, do you think I give them things I don't want? You better believe I don't. I think the reason this type of regifting bothers me is that presumably the giver wants to be credited . . . without really in truth giving what I consider a full-fledged gift."

This is a prime example of why so many people have anxiety about giving gifts.

Instead of seeing the good side of this exchange and that she was blessed in the end with about $120, the reader is complaining.

Why not give the agent the benefit of the doubt? Isn't it more likely she hoped her customer might be able to use a set of knives and sweet-smelling candles to freshen up the home she just purchased?